baby's a belly drumming!

Yup! I finally felt her moving in my tummy! My suspicions are right - it is her who is making my tummy go "bump"! I thought it was my funny breathing (my lungs are starting to complain about the lack of space) but it shouldn't make my belly button go "bump" suddenly. I was too busy at work to really take note anyway, so last night I put my hands on my bulge and talked to her. She responded with 3 bumps and she sullenly refused to entertain my hubby who came into the room later.

Then in the middle of the night, I was awoken by my hubby who couldn't sleep. So I told him, "Ok you can put your hands on my tummy and see if she will entertain you." She did! She responded with a series of 7 rapid bumps then she stopped. She's probably wanting her sleep too! I just hope she won't be too active in the night during the last trimester! There's no pain involved, in fact I would say I didn't feel any sensation unless I put my hands on my tummy. I'll probably be more aware later on but right now, it's a really a undescribable feeling. I'll say it's making me feel more like a mum-to-be, something a lot more tangible and real ;)

Oh no! Is it PUPPP???

PUPPP stands for Pruritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy. It's basically a rash that only afflicts 1% of the pregnant women. While not harmful to mother and baby, it's aparently very annoying. Just read the description in She Said/ He Said - it's enough to scare me for every red dot that appears on my skin.

I have a patch of rashes on my right thigh, it's not the usual welts but raised bumps that look like pimples and my left thigh is starting to have some too. While I suspect it could be due to dry skin (but I've been rubbing it with some cream or oil every night!) but I'm monitoring it and see if it spreads. So far the itch is still controllable, so I don't really think it's PUPPP (which incidentally suppose to start sometime in the last trimester or so).

I'm just wringing my hands but it could well be brought on by stress as well - I remember my scalp breaking out in pimple like rashes everytime I am stressed over work or studies.

I thought I felt my tummy going "bump!" today when I was lying in bed this morning - I didn't really feel anything but since my hands were on my tummy, I felt the movement! Was baby trying to play with mummy? OoOoo coochi coochi!

Update on the leg cramps

For those fellow sufferers, the "stretching" exercise I do before sleep really helps! So whatever position I'm sleeping in, I really don't get cramps anymore.

So the best tip for how to prevent leg cramps during pregnancy, get your partner to help to push to feet down and up, about 10 sets and count to 5 for every up and every down. So far it works for me!

And if you are thinking about foot reflexology, do try this lady at Tranquility Cove (at Thomson Plaza). Ask for Lisa and tell her you are preggie and if you experiencing leg cramps or water retention. By the way, they only do it if you are over 5 months - so endure if you still have some way to go before hitting the 5th month mark. Pamper your feet!

Christmas Galore!

Christmas was well, Christmas. Only had 2 last minute gifts to buy but was promptly solved within 30 minutes. Not much wrapping to do as this year I opted to use gift bags instead. I had purchased or gathered my stock of Christmas gifts by late November, so we could afford not to panic last minute and wringe our hands in buying the "perfect gifts" at the 23rd hour. As usual, the "hard" choices are for the men - I mean how many pens, belts, wallets do they need? This year we "tried" to solve it by trying to buy useful gifts like namecard holders (Tangs has some pretty nice ones!) but in the end, we gave up and just grabbed whatever was available for "men" at body shop.

The rest, the kids were the easiest, just that I keep changing my mind what to give them (so end up I had excess presents which I could use for someone else' kids birthdays). I managed to get hold of this really nice looking jewellery box at a decent price and that was for my mum. Perfect in that sense she can keep all the pieces we had bought for her over the years! The rest, well, I'll just shop according to whatever insipration hits me. Afterall I'm preggie, and I really don't enjoy shopping as a past time.

As for the gifts we got, some were stuff I really wanted (like towels - don't ask me why I am 'craving' for new towels) and the 'super nanny' book which someone thoughtfully gave my hubby! We also got the "what to expect" book for the first year - I should just ask my hubby to memorise those 2 books! Usual items like chocolates, clothes, and unusual items LED ear digger (which had my hubby raving over and asking me to dig his ears in the midding of the night!).

As for what I got from hubby? I purchased a pendant for myself (on his behalf) and at the same time, purchased a ring with an embedded diamond for him. He has been saying he wants a diamond ring ever since he got me the almost 1/2 carat diamond ring, so I thought what better excuse to buy myself another pendant I fancy (not expensive - less than $100!) and to keep him happy? After all he gets a diamond ring! But guess what, he was still raving non stop about the ear digger - so I asked him, "does that mean before I offered to clean your ears, you had been deprived of this pleasure for your entire life??"

Anyway baby had an early start to Christmas too! We now have 1 baby tee shirt courtesy of Dumex (I think) and a bib from Mamil (I think too) from the goodie bag they gave out during the TMC tour. My friend also bought a muslim receiving blanket for her!

My hubby was "nice enough" to agree to let me spend $100 on the Sharity food hampers. I didn't really get to go shopping so I had no chance to drop some money into the salvation army's can. But soon enough, when I can twist his arm to clear some of his old clothes (as in piece he cannot fit into but are BRAND NEW), hopefully they will go to someone who really needs them and not hoard them for the sake of hoarding ;P

Site visit for choice #1 completed

Made a trip to TMC on Saturday and I was quite disappointed. The nicely renovated 4th floor is not the maternity ward. The maternity wards are not scheduled to be renovated until sometime next year or so.

Apparently they had too many maternity patients hence they cannot afford to renovate the maternity wards yet. DUH! Whoever did the planning ought to be shot - because maternity patients make up the bulk of your patients, shouldn't you think of them first?!?!!?!? So we become lower priority so they can milk all the cash they can. The un-renovated floor is quite BAD ... the double room is dingy and dark, something I HATE. The tiolet? *sigh* Lousy is hardly the word to describe it. Anyway I asked, so could we request for the 4th floor rooms, not because it's only nicer, the rooms are MUCH brighter - something that is very important to me. They say they will try to accede to requests so I guess, that's depending on luck then. Can you imagine, being in pain and trying to deal with motherhood in a dark dingy room? As if we don't have to deal with enough factors to trigger off any post-partum depression. I may sound a bit extreme, but you are holding your bundle of your joy in your arms, but the room is not brightly lit enough for you to enjoy the imagined glow of sunray around her head. You are in pain and you have to use a run down tiolet. It's enough to make me want to consider other places with nicer tiolets and brighter rooms. I'll just pay more.

The nicest room with the nicest tiolets are of couse the VIP Suite - It's really very nice, like a hotel suite! Going at $700 plus a day and not being packaged in their delivery packages, the final bill can be quite substantial! Should I work my charms on my hubby? Or should I just hope I can strike some 4D or Toto prizes that are big enough to cover the bills?

Apart from the miserable unrenovated rooms, I do like the nurses at TMC and I like the fact their carpark offers valet services, in comparison to other hospitals I've come across. Ah well, I guess I still have TIME to decide right?

I'll sleep on for now and fret about signing up for the antenatal classes first.

Baby's 540 grams!

Went for the appointment with Dr Y yesterday and first thing he remarked, "Oh you look quite good! Not as tired as before!" Of course, with all the vomitting and frequent peeing in the night all behind me now, I am doing very well. The holiday I had was fantastic, with good food, good wine, my favourite - DisneySea and good company!

 

I am eating very well now, basically I can eat my usual stuff and no cravings for strange stuff or things I always dislike - other than Coke. I also like watermelon and watermelon juice A LOT (my TCM says it's ok to take watermelon!).

 

I told Dr Y about the leg cramps and he instructed my hubby to help me stretch my legs before I sleep every night *YIPEEE* Great excuse to request for a massage at the same time haha! He did remind me to take my calcium tablets or drink 2 full glasses of milk each day and he was almost pleading with me to take my iron supplements. He said my blood count is a bit on the low side and I would really need to take the iron supplement at least once a day or once every alternate day. Oh well, no escaping anymore I guess so my routine should be changed to:

 

Morning

2 cups of fresh milk

2 X fish oil capsules

2 X ginseng/ cordycep capsules

 

Night

1 X iron capsule

2 X fish oil capsules

2 X ginseng/ cordycep capsules

a swig of my multi vits syrup

 

I know it's not a lot of things to take but I keep forgetting and my hubby _doesn't_ bother to remind me either (you read this!?!?!?).

 

So how's my baby girl doing? She's good, very active, although I still _cannot_ really feel her kicking (I take it positively because otherwise I'll be yelping away in public), and she has shifted her position - her head is now at the lower part of my uterus. If that is really the case, this girl is a head banger based on the minor pangs I felt!

 

She now weighs in at 540grams, a middle weight. Her size is normal (yes still normal, I forgot to ask what would then be the expected size at delivery) and her tummy is a really cute round thingy - like a ball! I actually laughed when I saw her tummy. Dr Y was saying, the rounder, the bigger/ heavier the baby. Anyway at this stage, how we know her weight? They measure the size of her tummy (cross section) as well as the length of her thigh bone, and viola, they arrive at the weight.

 

Then I brought up the subject of Caesarian birth and Dr Y was asking "Are you really sure? Don't you even want to try?" So I told him all the horror stories I've heard and read: 1) about the cervix not being able to dilate - have to go for caesarian eventually 2) even if the cervix can dilate but not enough, there will be cervix tear and they need to sew me up. He went, "Yeah, that's true, but are you sure you really don't want to try? Anyway we still have 3.5 months to decide the delivery method so we can always discuss later!"

 

If I really want to try for natural birth (if I even have the guts for it!) then I should be starting on the yoga plus pelvic floor exercises real soon *sigh*

 

And oh, we forgot to ask for the baby's picture and Dr Y forgot to print out for us =( To date we still have no pictures of baby at all!

 

 

 

 

And the cramps are on!

Not exactly the most pleasant feeling - I wake up in the middle of the night trying to grab my hubby's arms to squeeze while trying not to scream in pain - Yes the leg cramps have started!

 

It would typically start from the left leg for about 20 to 30 seconds then move on to the right leg for another 20 to 30 seconds - meanwhile I'll be grabbing my hubby's arms and going " Cramps! Cramps! OWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

 

Last night was particularly bad: 3 times. Twice with both legs and once only the left leg but doubling the time and intensity of pain. So much so that my left leg's calf muscles are still sore and achy.

 

Medically speaking, cramps occur due to lack of body salt - but it doesn't explain why pregnant ladies have leg cramps.

 

Among the sites I've surfed and the "facts" gleaned from them, the typical reasons are 1) due to additional body weight the legs have to carry around 2) sleeping position affects the bloodflow to the legs (so it's a very rude sort of wake-up call to adjust sleeping position?) 3) no idea why.

 

The best solution for the above? Sleep on the sides, not the back, and the best position really is on the left because it allows the maximum/ optimal blood circulation for the body. Oh why on sides, you ask? Apparently, by sleeping on the back, the uterus (with the baby and water bag and the lot) may compress some major veins for blood circulation, hence it is NOT good to do so. Strangely though, as much as I try to sleep on my sides now, I usually find myself sleeping on my back (most comfortable position for now even though I am usually a side sleeper).

 

So I guess I will have to spend money on the foot reflexology - not that I mind, really, it's really a good excuse to help relieve my swollen legs and it lets me have a really good night worth of sleep!

Ok - EDD reminder

Got around to create a baby ticker from a site that has pretty nifty checklists for various events - hospital bag and nursery room were 2 specific ones I was looking at.

Anyway, here's the ticker



Hopefully nearer to the expected date that I SHOULD be ready, I can start panicky in a slightly more timely and organised way.

List of Things to do

1) Go on site visit of the hospitals - decide which one to do delivery in

2) Start looking for a stroller and baby car seat - as a set if possible

3) Comfortable nightgowns in case the hospital don't provide them

4) Stock up on diapers, diaper cream, diaper wipes and if possible, diaper changing table

5) BOTTLES! TEATS! Breast pump possibly and nursing pads

6) Hospital bag for delivery - search for items to put inside

 

Ready! Get Set! .... er so soon?

I've been fending off queries by well meaning friends - are you ready? have you bought the stuff? have you decided where to deliver? have you????

It's more stressful than anything else, because at this stage 1) I'm still coming to terms that I'm going to give birth to a baby sometime next year 2) my EDD still SEEMS so far off 3) besides I still have 1 more month than the rest to gather my thoughts and plan.

Anyhow, I've started sms-ing with my swollen digits (yes, water retention) to relatives and friends and ask them if they have anything to lend to me for the coming arrival. Very often, they will ask what I need? My reply is always the same, "What do I need?" Really, I think they should have guidebooks on these things - "How to prepare for the arrival of a baby for new parents and surviving the ordeal."

I been asking my hubby to ask his friend, but in the end, I asked him myself and thankfully his wife agreed to help me out. I told him I really have no idea what I need - I only know I can get 1 baby cot, some baby clothes and that's about it? I have a baby sling coming courtesy of a free gift and I am supposed to buy a stroller with a deatchable car seat.

The only thing I'm certain of, I am opting for a Caesarian birth. Why? Pain has a few effects on me - 1) I just go limp 2) I throw up 3)I won't cooperate so the best thing is just to knock me out with GA so that the docs and nurses just do whatever they need to do with my FULL cooperation and I wake up in pain but all the blood and gore is over.

Anyhow, I still have TIME, lots of it at this current moment, to think about it all the preparation and birth plan stuff. Just let me enjoy my festive meals and holidays without killing my grey matter for now.

Nap attack!

As popularised by Garfield, nap attacks are an very convenient way to describe the sudden wave of yawns and the urge to sleep.

I hadn't had the nap attacks for quite a while but it has recently returned again. For example, we had a mini party for my hubby's colleagues on Friday evening - was to be a BBQ but well you know the weather, so it's frantic cooking - microwave, oven and the stovetop. By the time I gave up, I was so HOT and I was quite worried about baby geting overheated. It was maybe 9plus? then I started yawning. By 11pm I was quite dead to the world - just leave my hubby to do the minimal cleanup and thankful that my part-time maid requested to switch to come on Saturday morning instead of Sunday morning.

Then Saturday evening, we had another gathering for my hubby, this time his ex classmates. Wasn't so bad since it's pot luck and all I made was potato salad. So we were chatting and eating around the table. We were fussing over his classmate baby, a very adorable 3 month old girl. Then by 10pm I told my hubby I wanted to rest (started to yawn my head off) and I snuck into the bedroom. Before long, I was snoring (I knew because I woke myself up with my snores) and I slept throughout till this morning 9am.

And now? It's going to be 10pm and I'm starting to yawn my head off. Ok it's really bedtime for me. I can hardly keep my eyes open. I just hope I don't get the nap attacks during work tomorrow! Otherwise I'll be a zombie starting blankly at the piles of papers on my desk.

Oh oh! I almost forgot. I went to see my TCM and she declared my baby was growing well and all the vital signs are healthy. How do I feel? Great! I also bought bird nests to cook and my first attempt is pretty decent. Just not as good as what I used to eat at my mum's place. Practise practise practise (good excuse eh)!

Green eye monster rearing its ugly head

I'm not particularly a possessive person, not an insecure one.

 

However, with the hormones raging and the bloating of the bump and feet starts, insecurity and emotionally neediness starts to creep in. My hubby may be changing boss and it's going to be a female one. I've seen her picture and she's quite pretty - I would say a few years older than us both at most. So i asked him, "Aren't you worried I may get jealous?" He looked surprised and asked "Why? She's married and she even remembers who you are?" "Well, you know, they always show on TV and movies, happily married people can have affairs with colleagues and superiors too!" HE LAUGHED and exclaimed," You watch too much TV!" *GRRRRR*

 

*sigh* But I'm growing bigger by the day, my feet and ankles look like pig trotters and I look haggard most of the times - would he get sick of me and look to some greener pastures? I guess the temptation is always out there and I should be trusting him - but like I said, with the hormones raging and the percieved ugliness factor of pregnancy sets in (I'm definitely not some glam mum to be), it's hard to feel on top of the world and confident.

 

Well I must say I'm not totally at fault - he's not giving me enough attention or TLC. Like I was telling someone, the baby will probably be closer to my dogs than him!

Big Foot and other what nots

As the bump grows bigger and my feet increase in shoe size (just went up by 2 sizes to 38), the reality begins to sink in. A few months later I'll be having to feed, burp, bath and change diapers a screaming baby *cringe* and I'll still be waddling around in my maternity clothes. It's kinda scary actually - what did I get myself into?!?!

 

I just went to get new bras, now I'm 38/ 85B - still B cup just that my girth has expanded quite a bit and it's quite a pain to wear my usual ones. Underwear er, no change, since the bikini strings one still fits quite ok and accomodates my bump.

 

The other day, I got 5 pairs of new shoes/ slippers - 2 pairs of slip on flats with RUBBER SOLES, 1 pair of semi sporty looking one with RUBBER SOLES, 1 pair of low heels (1.5 inches) of slip on shoes for dinners (wedding dinners a ringing) (I can't fit inot my usual ones, tight and I can't walk on 3 inches anymore) and 1 pair of slippers with nice thick soles. Why slippers? Er the last pair i have to flip flop around in is partially chewed up, so I'm not sure how long the straps will hold. Your Tevas asked my hubby? Already long incinerated - shows how much he remembers about me asking to buy a new pair of Tevas as replacement.

 

In addition I went shopping for more tops! Actually just 4 tops which I can use for working since most of the others that I have is strappy or strapeless - I don't have that many strapless bras I can use! Then I got my first maternity dress! I may get more because this morning I had difficulty in putting on my maternity pants - though very unlikely because pants are a lot more comfortable to move around in.

 

So how many weeks is the baby in now? I've kinda lost count - I'm not really keeping count anymore. I just know the EDD and I'm still trying to swallow all my supplements - fish oil (the burps stink), calcium (yucks), iron (keep forgetting), folic acid (er missing?), multi vitamin syrup (easy, just take a swig from the bottle every morning) and the ginseng/ cordyceps pills (prescribed by the TCM for the first trimester but I only got around to taking it now because I simply cannot swallow any pills/ tablets then). I'm supposed to cut down on my Coke/ Pepsi with salt cravings, and similarly my lust for watermelon fruit or watermelon juice - I guess in everything, moderation is the key.

 

My mum is worried though - I can't seem to feel the baby kicking or moving but I did read that fat people (me, that is) usually have a harder time feeling it. So the guessing game is still on, is it the baby or is it not. Let see how big the baby has grown on my Japanese food binge for 1.5 weeks - I think I'm due for an appointment with Dr Y next week. 

Did I mention that I seem to be missing some part of my brains too? Starting to be super forgetful.

So the baby has a mind of its own ...

OK the baby wins ... during breakfast i felt very lethargic and very tired ... so we decided to stay in the hotel room to rest today ... didn't venture out except to get lunch and to get my fav dessert ... ah well ... I guess if baby needs me to rest and take it easy, I have to ... afterall we are kinda sharing 1 body now ...

The growing bump

Week: 20

 

It's scary that the bump (hat is the entire tummy area including the baby) is growing so rapidly and so HUGE ... my hubby keeps scaring me that it's because the baby is a huge one ... so far the doctor has said that the baby is growing at the normal rate normal size (remind me to ask him what he means by NORMAL).

 

It could be also water retention but localised at the tummy area is that possible? Everything else seems normal, just that I've been eating quite a quite bit over the last few days andthe double chin seems to be filling out a little bit more *sigh* Still I'm glad to be enjoying my food ... and not suffering from indigestion or whatever.

 

Anyway, it's time to go out soon and enjoy the sights (yes, I'm on a well deserved holiday!) with the baby in tow (or rather inside me). I hope baby shares the same taste in food as me!

 

 

 

 

Being emotional again

I had to drop off my 2 miniature schnauzers at my mum's place last night, as I am preparing to go for my trip. We had yet to do the packing and plus all the last minute errands to run, we decided to drop them off 1 day ahead of schedule so that we won't forget to bring along all their necessities to my mum's place.

 

Then we were preparing to leave, the puppy realised that we were going off without them! The older dog were happily fussing around his favourite people inside the house. So she started whining and as we moved off, she ran alongside the fence. I felt so bad leaving her behind! Yes, I almost cried but still, the number of folks to fuss over them while we were gone is aplenty. I consoled myself that she's just going to miss us for that little while. However, that moment she dashed out of the gate when she saw that we were preparing to leave made me felt like I was abandoning her!

 

I miss being woken up by their whines this morning and no dogs to fuss around when I got up to bathe and do the routine morning stuff. I miss having her sneaking up and snuggle up to my feet when we are fast asleep and I miss having her put her head on my lap and giving me the pitiful look when I order her off the bed.

 

I think motherhood is going to be a tough road ahead!

*ouch* is that the baby?

The baby is somewhere near to my belly button now. Dr Y pointed out yesterday the areas which could be the baby kicking and the areas not. At least now I'm making a much more educated guess when and where is the baby kicking.

 

How does it feel? Er ... I am not sure how to describe it ... little twitches felt from the inside? I've seen how she's moving and kicking away during the scans, but I've not really felt anything then. However, since now I know where's her head positioned and her butts and legs are, I guess I can blame it on her *hehe*

 

It feels ... a little strange but nice *smile* It's a very gentle reminder to me that I should remember to coo and pat my belly once in a while, instead of focusing on the tasks at hand.

The morning has broken and the wait is over!

Today I went for the detailed scan and it's confirmed a girl! So let's all bring out the pink poms poms and I can start planning her first month celebrations decor already!

 

The lady today was very quiet and I almost fell asleep while she was doing the scan. We had to ask what is this and what is that before she explains. Definitely prefer the other lady who was much faster and interactive.

 

After the 1 hour scan was done, we had a quick lunch then we headed for our appointment with Dr Y. Then he announced that they just faxed him the results that very morning (i saw the timestamp - while we were doing the scan) and we are clear! Baby is ok and she weighs currently 300grams.

 

The word is "relief" and I guess I can sleep much better tonight :)

Giving thanks for

So what do I have to give thanks for this Thanksgiving?

1. A hubby who has gradually grown more willing and accomodating to my needs - emotionally and physically

2. Despite all the scares we had, baby is still very actively kicking in me

3. Supportive family, friends and colleagues (for those in the know)

4. A new diamond ring [we got it at 50% discount - which while bigger than my engagment/ proposal ring, is CHEAPER... then again, we didn't spend much on the proposal ring anyway - remember this, diamonds are pretty worthless once you have bought them, they have almost zero investment value, which unless you have a rare and extremely huge one (in hundreds of carat)!]

5. A nice obgyn, who is accomodating to quite a hysterical patient

6. My 2 loving pets who adores me, despite my changing apperance

7. The fallout with GAP.com, which allowed me to buy nicer and cheaper maternity clothes at OldNavy.com (which incidentally fits pretty well and comfortable to wear)

8. Enough money, which well, you look at it, it's never really enough, but I'm glad for a stable income, a roof over my head and a tiny savings account, which is growing very slowly

9. The ability to eat about anything I used to eat without having to purge at the smell of cooking or preparation

10. God

My first thanksgiving feast

Hubby and I decided to indulge in a bit of feasting when we chanced upon the Marriot's Christmas brochure. We were trying to decide between the Thanksgiving and Christmas buffet, but the deciding factor was quite obvious. The Thanksgiving buffet was supposed to offer yummy dishes that I can eat - baby shelled lobster and cajun lamb, versus fresh oyster which I love.

Ah well - such is the little sacrifices I have to make for the little one inside me.

Anyway, ours was the post Thanksgiving buffet, since we went on the Saturday lunch buffet (Thanksgiving was on thursday - every last thursday of November). We did a little shopping and managed to get gifts for 2 male members for the family, achieving a 90% completion rate for the Christmas present buying! Then we strolled over to the hotel lobby, got our seats and waited for the buffet to start. To my lovely surprised, the waitress gave me a cushion for my back! I was so impressed! She came by a few times to check on us, and obviously she's a familiar face to the guest of hotel since she took trouble to greet quite a number of them although she wasn't serving their table. Just because of her service, it made the dining experience a truly wonderful one for me. Her name is Maidusrah I think, I was trying to stare at her name tag, but my eyesight is not as good as it used to be ;P

Anyway back to the buffet - the baby lobster and the cajun lamb was definitely missing *sigh* In it's place is cold prawns and roast beef. I think I ate about 12 to 16 prawns, very happily, since I didn't get any of the usual allergic reactions! I had 1 slice of the roast beef, which they kindly browned it for me (it was very pink) and it was simply delicious. The rest of the food - pretty decent fare, plus the usual great desserts they have. The cauliflower and corn soup (cream of) was a letdown though - bland and tasteless. Overall, a very satisfying lunch, accompanied by the BEST service I had in a LOOOONNNGGG while. Certainly the money paid for the buffet was well spent, since most of the time I hardly think I ate enough or the service gotten was worth the price. Maybe being pregnant isn't all that sucky afterall!

Er, just how much I ate? Enough not to eat dinner, and not to go to bed hungry ;P

Dollar and the peace of mind

I couldn't take it. I called up the clinic again today and bugged them. I said I would had expected the rapid results be given since no one asked us if we wanted it. Since I was going back for a detailed scan, to me know how much I had to top up for the rapid results. I just don't want to wait anymore!

They said they will get back to me, so I'm still *waiting* and *waiting* and *waiting*

*argh*

Hubby's QuoteS of the Day

My hubby never fails to amaze me.

Hubby's Quote 1: Upon learning that the baby is now learning to swallow

"Why is the baby drinking it's own urine??!?"

Hubby's Quote 2: After a thoughtful pause during lunch

"Will the baby doing big business in there too?"

I wonder what will he come up with next when I tell him about the "cheesy" covering the baby now *ponder*

And the wait is on ...

Apparently Dr Y didn't order a rapid results for us... Got my hubby to call them this morning and they said they will remind the medical centre when we go for a detailed scan next week.

If Dr Y only asked for the full report, that will take up to 3 weeks before the results are given.
I'm going to binge on nutella soon - I'm starting to get really stressed over this *argh*

The agony in waiting ... *sigh*

To wish upon a star ...

Can you hear me
all the way up there
when I whisper to you softly
my hopes, my dreams, my wishes?

Can you see me
in your blinding light
when I sit under the dark skies
in solitude, in sadness, in pain?

Can you feel what I feel
in your burning heat
when my heart starts to crack
into pieces, into fragments, into slivers?

One hope, one wish, one dream to grant
One heart, one soul waits
in tears, in solitude, and ...
in vain?

the wait ...

I'm still waiting for the results of the amniocentesis. It's getting on my nerves. On the brochure, it was stated that a rapid test results will be available within 3 to 4 days. It's almost a week (today is the 6th day since the procedure) since and there's no news at all.

In this case, it's not no news is good news. I just want to know and get over with.

Fatigue, Vomitting and Cramps

Geez, I think I am really finally beginning to feel the effects of the amniocentesis. I've been so tired for the past 1 day, that I'm sleeping close to 14 hours a day now. I guess that my body is also feeling the effects of the increased hormones - been puking quite a bit, something that I hadn't been doing for almost close to 1 month! The lower abdomen is still very tight, so movements, stretching is quite a pain literally, and trying to find a position to sleep comfortably can be quite frustrating.

We did go to Ikea yesterday, we went early at 10 plus and wow, it's simply great because all the crowds probably moved to the Tampines Ikea (well kinda bad for the one at Alexandra then). We didn't have to queue to get into the carpark, didn't have to circle to find a lot, and we could stroll into the cafe, get our food and then pick almost any seats we wanted. By the time we were finally done with our brunch, the crowds were coming into the cafe - based on "excuse me is the table taken?" and the snaking queue to get the food.

We went downstairs and got some Christmas wrapping paper, bags and some other knick knacks - forgot to get some christmas ornaments I was eyeing though =( All in all, it was really very exhausting for me. I did remember the nurse telling me no shopping for the 3 days, but it's the 4th day and I did rest quite a bit in bed already! By the time we reach home, I was walking mini steps S-L-O-W-L-Y. And I almost had to crawl to bed, I was that tired! So now I know why 3 days of MC plus the weekend to recover - one lesson learnt!

Now, I just want to get over the vomitting part, still a few more days before I complete the course of medication *sigh*

New news about amniocentesis

Baby: Week 18

I was reading off the MSNBC website about this model who died from some infection due to aneroxia (*gasp* she weighed only 40kg at 1.72m) when this article headline caught my attention: "Amniocentesis doesn't raise miscarriage rate"

The full article is available at: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15755732/

Does it make me feel better? Slightly, at least not so pessimistic. Not to say I'm recovering fast and well - a sneeze and a cough brought on excruciating pain in my abdomen. It's like having really very tight muscles and then force to stretch it suddenly. All I was doing was doing deep breathing in the corpse position to try to fall asleep. Hmmm, the only good thing was, I didn't wet the bed ;P

Hubby's Quote of the Day

When told that the fluid drawn is the "baby's urine" (the amniotic fluid), he turned and asked me,"why is the baby swimming in urine?"

the ZzZZz monster ...

is not around. Yup, I actually am having difficulty trying to sleep.

I can't sleep on my left side, my hips hurt. I tried switching to the other side, no luck, both sides ache too. Sleep on my back? *sigh* same old thing.

Hubby is happily snoring away - despite him proclaiming he's not sleepy when I shooed him to bed past midnight, he begun his deep breathing ritual shortly hitting the pillow. Yes, his snorts and restless limbs syndrome kicked in shortly too.

So what am I doing? other than indulging the doggies a little more time out of their sleeping area (they are banished to sleep in the kitchen till we sort out the ticks problem - just applied Frontline Top Spot on them this evening), I am wondering what to do. Should I play warcraft (or will the violence upset the baby?) or should I play some online games (b-o-r-i-n-g) or, or, I don't know - a glass of pepsi (just had the urge) with a sprinkling of salt soothe my thrist a little but I'm craving for even more iced water. How am I going to rid of my cough!

Oh well, I guess I should just practise my deep breathing techniques in the corpse position - that might help. Afterall, I did fall asleep during the yoga class doing that ;P

Taking things slowly and guessing baby's gender

Must remember this piece of advice ... the nurses cautioned me to walk slowly, no shopping, no housework that involves heavy stuff ... so walking is a pain, not because it's painful, but I have to remember to do it S-L-O-W-L-Y ...

I feel slightly better today, enough to venture downstairs for some morning breeze, but there's this constant nagging "pinching" sensation at my side to remind me to take it easy.

Oh ya, anyway remember the 75% girl thingy? I was already commenting to my husband previously, based on the shape of my belly, it's quite likely to be a girl. The women at my mum's household, on hearing that everything taste sweet to me (including savoury food) said it's very likely to be a girl. My sister claims my nose was growing bigger, so it could be a girl! *sigh* Seems like all the "mythical" ways of knowing whether it is a boy or a girl are all pretty accurate in my case. Yes, I also looked at the "ancient" calendar of predicting gender based on the mother's age and the month of conception, and it says "GIRL" too. So once the test results are out, I guess they can all use me as a poster girl as "See! I told you so!" *sigh*

The surge of the raving hormones - maybe?

I'm sure you all have read somewhere or had pregnant girlfriends telling you, how hormones make them an emotional wreck at times.

I even remembered this incident about this girlfriend, who intead of arguing, cried after her hubby chided her during a mahjong game (which apparently he does it often enough).

Me? I'm not sure ... I was crying in the car today, while listening to a song. It's not like I never heard it before, it's not like I never listen to the lyrics before (lyrics are important part of what makes a good song) but as I listened to the song, my nose just got stuffed up and tears started rolling down my face. Maybe, it had to do with I had to go through today so I shouldn't blame it on the hormones.

What song was it? Well, I'm sure you have heard of this before too:

Artist: Collin Raye
Song: If You Get There Before I Do

Lyrics

I read a note my grandma wrote back in 1923
Grandpa kept it in his coat and he showed it once to me
He said boy you might not understand
But a long, long time ago
Grandma's daddy didn't like me none But I love your grandma so

We had this crazy plan to meet
And run away together
Get married in the first town we came to and live forever
But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet instead
I found this letter And this is what it said

If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then till I see you again
I'll be loving you, love me

I read those words just hours before my grandma past away
In the door way of a church
Where me and grandpa stopped to pray
I know I'd never seen him cry in all my 15 years
But as he said these words to her
His eyes filled up with tears

If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then till I see you again
I'll be loving you, love me
Between now and then till I see you again
I'll be loving you, love me

Just a pin prick

It's true - that's how I would describe the pain of doing the amniocentesis test.

So, ya, I survived it, and according to the conversations Dr Y and the nurses were having (my eyes were closely shut and hands tightly clenched under my chin), apparently the baby is very kaypoh ... the 75% she actually reached out for the needle with her hands! Ya 75% because the baby kept curling up in a ball and refused to open the legs ...

I won't say it was totally painless - when the fluid was being drawn out, I could feel some discomfort like minor cramping ... after the whole ordeal was over, while I was resting at the waiting area, I could feel some contractions and minor pings of pain here and here.

So now, the real ordeal is 1) waiting for the results to be out 2) finding out if any complications arising from this procedure

So ... we can hope for the best, and leave God the rest.

What if ...

What if
The sky decide to rain on our hopes
There’s no turning back

What if
The world turns its back on us
There’s no going forth

What if
You take away my dreams
There’s no hoping for us anymore

What if
You leave us behind to mourn
There’s no stopping our tears

What if
You leave only a sliver of memories
There’s nothing left for us to grasp

Only darkness and fear
only coldness and silence

What if
only us
without you

Butterflies in the Tummy

No ... unfortunately it's not the flutters of feeling the first few movements the baby is making ... rather that's how worried and scared I am for tomorrow's procedure ...

I have almost zero tolerance for pain and the idea of a needle poking through my flash, fats and into the uterus is scaring the hell outta me. Reading those medical websites didn't really help - they did say most women report discomfort and pinching rather than pain, but the list of complications
1) infection
2) if the clincian didn't manage to draw enough fluid the first round, they have to do it again!!!!
3) if blood got into the fluid, the results may be compromised - I think it just simply meant that they have to try drawing the fluid 1 more time!
4) the risk of miscarriage
is more than enough to fill my mind with lots of "what ifs"

I also read somewhere some women say it's was a terrible and horrible and painful experience (some nasty person commented if they can't even bear with this pain, what about labour - to that nasty person "SOD YOU!")

I can't seek any comfort in all this knowledge - it's just driving me nuts.

I can only seek solace that
1) my friends and siblings will be praying for me and my baby
2) I get to send my hubby to the dentist next week as a form of revenge - since I can't possibly stick a needle into his stomach
3) God is my comforter and giver of peace

A bolt from the blue skies

Baby: Week 17

Sometimes, when everything seems to be going fine, God likes to remind us that we are still humans. His way of a gentle reminder? By sending a bolt right across the blue skies.

No, I'm not resentful towards God. Just that sometimes, when things go well, I tend to push God towards the least of priorities. I should count my blessings, despite all the scares I had, my baby is still firmly sucking nutrients off the placenta via me. I know of my friends who weren't so lucky with their first or even second pregnancy. So what I was throwing up almost non-stop on days and I couldn't take in any food nor fluids? Compared to those who had to be hospitalised and to be put on the drip, mine is considered a mild case.

So what was this reminder about? I did a blood test last week and since there was no calls from the clinic, I assumed all was well. Until, two nights I saw I had 2 missed called from the clinic. Strange, I thought to myself, did they want to change my appointment or something? I was uneasy enough not to be able to sleep till 4am that night. Next morning, I called the clinic as soon as it was opened. Well, I was unlucky that I got their worst receptionist - she's just an auntie working part time to earn a living so her personal skills are absolutely the worst. The message I got from her was that the test results came back, it was positive for Down Syndrome but negative for the rest. Great way to put it I guess, short and straight to the point. In a way, I am glad that I was on medical leave that day, so my office didn't had to witness me breaking down.

I cried for the next few hours - my sister called me from USA, my best friend called me and they both said will pray for me. I couldn't get my hubby since it was 3 am his time, and despite his claims for being a light sleeper, he snores his way through the loudest claps of thunder. Then finally my elder sister texted me a message and said, it's ok, it's normal. She reminded me that it was positive in her case too, but her kids turned out just fine (I swore that the younger one makes up senseless tuneless sounds to hum to irritate me!).

I collected myself enough to call the clinic to ask for more details so they took down my questions to pass to Dr Y. He called later, during his lunch time, so I asked him, what was the percentage like. Mine was 1 in 94. Was there any other alternative than doing the amniocentesis test? No, because this test is the most accurate. What is the risk of miscarriage for doing this test? It's 0.3% to 0.4%. Was it very painful? The pain was in pushing the needle through my flesh to get to the amnio fluid in the uterus and I need to keep still for 1 to 2 minutes. He was kind enough to tell me that to think about it, and to let them know again if I wanted to go ahead with the test.

That afternoon, I finally managed to get my hubby and I told him about it. I did compare with my elder sis, her was 1 in 40 (more than double the chances compares to mine) and we mulled over it for a little while. He thinks we should go ahead (of course, I bear all the pain!) to make sure.

I had to see my GP later for my illness - was nursing a throbbing headache earlier so I didn't go earlier since I was driving myself. After the small talk about my flu was over, I asked him about the amniocentesis test and the positive marker. He said he couldn't remember the odds but he reminded me the most important question to address here is that, if the baby has really down syndrome, what would we do? If we do not mind, then we do not need to do the test. However, if we do mind, then we need to do the test to have the peace of mind. He also said that although the test did carry the risk of miscarriages, but it is very minimal.

I went over to visit this client of mine who is stationed nearby, she's 7 to 8 months pregnant and it's her second pregnancy. I am actually glad she spotted me while I was making my way to the GP. Although I wasn't really in the mood to socialising, but I tend to gravitate towards pregnant ladies at this point, because they can feel what I feel right now. I told her about the test results and she said another colleague of hers was also in the same situation. She did go ahead with the amniocentesis test and it turned out alright. That colleague of hers (whom I actually know as well since I used to service this particular chain of outlets) was going to give birth in February!. Wow! Is the government sure we are really short on babies? Then a customer came in so I waved byebye and left. She was so sweet, she called me later and told me not to worry, and to take care.

Last but not least, my gf in oz, tried calling me but we ended up chatting on MSN. I am thankful that I had my siblings and friends, even my GP and my ex-client to comfort me.

In ways unknown to us, God works to remind us we are not alone in our troubles too, despite a gentle reminder that just how vulnerable we all are.

Ouch! It hurts!

The first week after discovering the pregnancy was rather uneventful, except for the constant minor cramping and the very sore lower abdomen.

I went back for my next appointment with Dr Y (on a monday) and was given a 1 day medical leave, since I was fatigued from the constant cramping. I had another blood test taken (pain!!!) again. The pain basically meant I was sleeping throughout the day (Tuesday), since I was just very exhausted. This is including using a hot water bottle constantly throughout the day to help relieve the pain.

Then, on Wednesday pre-dawn, I was woken up by the sudden urge to pee. As I got up and did my business in the loo, I realised with a huge "OH NO!!!!" that it was my mega cramps that was going to hit me really soon (weird as it seems, the mega cramps favourite timing is always from 4am to 7am, I had it only once at 11am). I quickly scampered back to bed, woke up my hubby, instructed him to get me a hot water bottle and my painkillers. In panic, we couldn't remember the last location of my trusty synflex, so I had to settle for ponstan to relieve the pain instead. I gave up on the hot water bottle and had to get him rub my tummy to help relieve the pain. I was so worried that I was going to miscarriage that I got him to call the Dr Y hotline (he has a emergency number - I guess some call centre) and asked him what we should do. When Dr Y called back, I was still very much in pain (ponstan basically had little effect on me, that's why I was switched over to synflex). He arranged to meet us at Mt Alvernia A & E. We arrived early since there's was nothing much for me to do at home and by the time we arrive, the pain had subsided but my lower abdomen was still very sore. They wanted to give me some painkiller jab but I didn't want it since I had already taken ponstan. So finally Dr Y arrived (looking a bit dishevelled and about 10 minutes later than he said he would be there) and he had to do a scope for me. It was more painful than usual since it wasn't the proper "bed" for me to be on and I was too much in pain to "relax" properly. He said there was some fluid in the womb, which could mean 2 things, 1) an infection in the womb or 2) an etopic pregnancy. I had to had my blood drawn again in order to determine what it was. The blood test (done by the nurse) was so painful I actually cried (yes, tears) and I almost threw up from the pain.

We had to rest there for another hour of so, until the blood test results came back and then Dr Y would come back and determine what's the problem (he had another patient there at 10am).

At 10 plus, he came back and said based on the HCG level, he was quite sure it wasn't an etopic pregnancy and it was probably an infection. I did ask him how could the infection arise, but he said it could be anything so it couldn't be determined. He gave me a course of antibotics and gave me 6 days of sick leave. 6 days ... I was glad to rest at home, but for 6 days and it's peak time at work!

I called office to let them know I was on sick leave for 6 days and my colleagues were very kind to divide my work among them. I told them I could logon from home to read my emails, but I didn't really do much since I was actually just sleeping all the time.

Darn, just that I was suppose to be going to Penang next week! Now my travel plans are uncertain *sigh*

I'm pregnant!

I used a pregnancy test kit a few weeks back and the results window showed up with 1 strong line and 1 faint line. It's supposed to mean that I may be pregnant but I wasn't sure. According to the test kit instructions manual, it could be a false positive and I had to wait 3 days to do another pregnancy test.

Well, I didn't really "wait" for 3 days, I couldn't wait! I bought another test kit and tried it the next morning. Same thing, a 2nd faint line but stronger than the first. Called up the TCM clinic (where I bought the 2nd pregnancy kit from) and asked what does it mean. They were very confident that it meant I was pregnant and advised me to make an appointment immediately with my obgyn, Dr Y.

next morning, I called up the clinic and made an pointment. Dr Y made me do a blood test that was so PAINFUL that I yelped out in pain. I shared with him also my concerns that I was still experiencing the usual monthly lower abdomen tightness and soreness. He gave me some hormones to take - to help the embryo to adhere to the lining as well as to relieve the contractions.

The results came back the next day - the clinic called me and said the results were positive! Wow! On our first attempt too! So made another appointment to see the doctor next week for a follow up. Stay tuned for the drama to come!