The very last few straws ...

that breaks the camel's back figuratively ...

 

I've been having blocked ducts and plugged ducts for the entire week - so imagine my pain and the frustration at spending 1/4 of the day pumping away just because a few ducts refuse to copperate.

 

I've even rushed down to my PD's office to beg for a few syringes because the usual haunt didn't have stock and the other place I bought is the wrong brand (trust me, the brand DOES matter). I've also been to a lactation consultant for help. Well, that solved 1 problem, but a few others blocked  ducts came up as well, and now I'm battling this really stubborn plugged ducts.

 

I'm just so tired from all these, that I am serious comtemplating to give up breastfeeding for good. My girl refuses to latch on now, she even pushes me away! I can only console myself that she's teething so she doesn't want to hurt me by treating my breasts as a teething tool.

 

I've tried all kinds of tools that I shall not mention here, and I've even tried using baby's oil to soften the "plugged duct" to no avail. I will probably visit another lactation consultant 1 more time and if it doesn't work, I'm throwing in the towel. I'm really too tired to go on. I want to spend time playing with my baby, not desperately trying to clear ducts.

 

I've been neglecting my sweethear due to the increased time in pumping, so much so that she complained loudly when she saw me. She was being carried by the daddy and she more than readily hopped into my arms when I offered to carry her. She quietened down immediately and slump on my shoulder. The feeling ... wonderfully sweet ... after being so ultra miserably tired and suffering from that constant pulsing pain in the chest.

 

Even my dogs complained about the lack of attention. The boy doggie yelped so loudly one morning behind my back (I was getting ready to go to work) that I thought my husband stepped on his paws accidentally. My hubby claimed that he didn't even touch him at all! All this while, the dog looked so sad, with the ears flattened down and the poor suffering paw hanging up in the air. So my hubby checked his paws and there was no cut. The dog got up, still with the poor suffering paw held up from the offending ground. I was thinking what's wrong with him when the girl doggie came bouncing in and immediately the pain in that paw was forgotten. HE WAS FAKING IT! My goodness ;P

 

Anyway back to the original topic - yes I'm considering to give it up for good. I've done my best and it's just too bad that one breast isn't cooperating at all. However, even though my girl doesn't want to latch on anymore, there's this lingering sadness ... whenever I think that I wouldn't be breastfeeding anymore ...
 

Pop goes the tooth!

Yup! My girl has officially "teethed" and has a tiny white enamel peeking out from her lower gum!

Wow, and she's not even 6 months old yet :P There goes my plan for relatching her on =(

In a short span of time ...

How my sweetheart has changed in a short span of time ... All I want to do is to hug her close and smell her hair, kiss her little fingers and coo to her ...

Who does Vanessa look like?

So I guess this settles it for now ...

A boost to the faltering ego

My ego and self-esteem as a mother have been suffering blows since I've been constantly compared to my helper and how my sweetheart prefers my helper over me. Super irritating but a huge blow to my confidence - so please remember not to do it to your friends or siblings. Unfortunately nothing I can do to shut some of these "well meaning" people up.

It doesn't help that my girl plays the invisible mummy game these days, looking everywhere but my direction. And to rub salt to the wound, she would coo to her daddy and gurgle sweetly at my family when they carry her or play with her.

Work's been tiring so sometimes I conk off once I reached home, so contact time with her is almost zero ...

 

Then ....

On Wednesday I think, she's already fast asleep and I'm tucking into my dinner (9 plus) when I heard her screaming away. I went into the room and my helper was trying to calm her down. We guessed she probably had a nightmare so she's crying very hard. I offered to carry her and pick her up from my helper's arms. The moment she was on my shoulder she stopped crying! I went "WOW" secretly to myself and after 1 min she was fast asleep. So I tucked her into her cot, and she never stirred.

Then I came home late one night again (Friday) and she was fussing away (hubby carrying her) so I took over. After a while she went limp but was still awake - so i guessed she was already sleepy. I carried her, gently swaying while watching TV and after 30 mins, she dozed off without a single compiaint! I sat down and carried her for another 20 mins before the call of the nature was directed to me.

 

On Tuesday night I decided to play peek-a-boo with her and she giggled every single time the cloth was taken away with a flourish ... My heart was a puddle after that :P

 

This afternoon I let her nap with me (the hubby was redesignated to the floor again) and she slept so nicely ... for almost 3 hours! She would stir occasionally, open her eyes, look at me, smile sweetly then her eyes are closed again.

 

Thankfully my girl remembers to give me a little break now and then ... and I feel so much better as a mother ... all the more ready to grovel to her every whim and fancy ...
 

Food Fest

Nay, not for me. I was just telling this friend that I had totally no motivation to make anything at all (to bake or to cook) when I realised that, I do!

Not the usual cakes, cookies, dishes from recipes books but just simply mushy stuff for my little sweetheart.

I've made sweet potatoes, pumpkin and banana for her so far - I have yet to get hold of avocados.

It's not that difficult, but just the preparatory work can be quite tedious. After steaming, it's mashing, then straining, then cubing, then freezing. I've finally gotten hold of a new steel strainer, so it should be much easier to strain the food than with my plastic one.

I also find myself reading the superbabyfood book and other internet sources on what else I can prepare for my girl. The coming weekend I probably will make apple and pear puree for her, maybe peach too if I can get hold of some good ones. The dearth of good avocados is just driving me nuts.

I will probably buy some rusk biscuits for her, if I cannot find a suitable recipe. It's just so much fun to make for someone who is excited about the mush being served.

However, just a tiny complaint - she's showing more attention to her dad again *grrr*

Vanessa is 5 months old

The days seem to be crawling - the mountains of work, the lack of sleep, and suddenly, Vanessa is 5 months old.

To mark her "monthday", she had pumpkin puree which she enjoyed. She also had a taste of my blackdate mooncake - she just plonk forward and gave it a wet kiss when I showed it to her. To further "celebrate" her growing up, she had her next 6-in-1 jab :P Previously, she didn't really cry when she had her jab but this time ... wow ... was she furious ...

The hubby reported that when she had her first jab, she cried to indicate it was painful. Then when she was jabbed a second time, she was furious! It's was like "I already told you it's painful! Why did you jab me a second time!" It took a while to soothe her and the poor darling had tears rolling down her cheeks.

She's now playing the "invisible mummy" game ... she will look left, look right, look up, look down, but just not at me. I am not sure why she is angry with me - but *sigh* I am doing the best I can. Now that work has return to the sane level (but I still have some difficulty in coping with the new portfolio since I'm still doing part of the old portfolio) I can "afford" to take my leave - I still have some 18 days for the rest of the year, so I guess I could take 1/2 day of leave each week so that I could hopefully spend a little bit more time with her (more often than not, I end up conking out the entire afternoon).

She's still just as cute - I could had never imagine my baby being so sweet and cuddly, and the warmth that oozes out from the pit of my heart - no wonder the hubby is jealous ;P

Anyway since now my peak of the peaks is over, I'll have a little more time blogging about her and hopefully, to post up some of her pics soon!