so what's happening?

I haven't been updating this blog for some time ...

I've returned to work 4 weeks ago so it has been a busy time trying to adjust back to working life, work environment and seeing less of my 2 babies.

V is coping well with it so far. She has enough friends and attention from her teachers in childcare so she's OK if she sees a little less of me. At least she didn't throw a tantrum like she did when I first returned to work when she was 3 months old. *phew* just yesterday, I was on medical leave (thanks to the flu virus - yes it's making yet another round!) and so she came home while I was resting. My bedroom door was opened so I could hear what's going on outside in the living area. I heard her saying, distinctively, "Allo A gor gor, where are you?" I burst out laughing from my room and I asked her "where is A gor gor?" She just gave an embarassed laugh and a cheeky grin.

I don't have a picture of A but he's this boy in her CC class - about 1.5 months older than her. The cute thing is, he's also tanned like her with curly locks. More than once, I have mistaken him for her at the first glance. These 2 kids are also v close, that usually play together, and they nap together with the older kids (she is attached to her cousin and him, to the teacher) while their peers sleep in a room downstairs.

V also tells me she has friends in school, and name some names. Her speech as improved tremedously, but it's no where near to her classmate YJ's skills. That girl can converse in PROPER whole sentences!

As for Ian, he's a really delightful baby. He is really very cheery and responds with a beautiful smile. I can safely say, I have developed feelings for him! Is it possible to love my children equally? I am not sure, but I do love them in their own special ways. I try to spend more time with him, since my time is mostly spent with V and the breast pump - but i don't often succeed. Weekends are my only time to catch up with sleep, so if he's awake I'll play with him a little. If he's sleeping, I'll usually miss his playtime since I nap for 2 to 3 hours!

I feel guilty, that I didn't latch on as much and now, he doesn't want to latch on anymore. I also wonder if the pump is taking time away from him, when I could have spent the time nursing him, instead of worrying about engorgement and not enough supply. I have to keep reminding myself, to spend more time with Ian. This stage will pass really quickly and I will never want to miss it. If only I could strike TOTO first prize *haiz*