motherhood and what nots ...

We attended a first month baby celebration today and the new mummy was candidly sharing her experience for the past 1 month. Apparently the experience was traumatic enough that one was enough for her.

I guess, most of us when we share about motherhood, we share the good times, and hardly the bad times. I mean, if I was really depressed, I would be spending my time crying my eyes out and mopping around the house, than to blog about it.

When I had V, the first month was well, nothing short of dramatic. I cried most of the times, lost my appetite (but never my weight nor fats *sigh*), had mastitis, and even restricted visitors to my place because they were just stressing me out (and not that they were understanding - they just wanted to come and bring people I don't even know to see the baby - all of them were something in the archives I think).

So, progression to motherhood is natural, but to me, nothing about it was natural.

I had a hard time to be a mother.

I had a hard time to breastfeed.

I had a hard time trying to feel the emotional bond between my child and me!

But along the way, I did learn to overcome my lack of confidence, my self-esteem as a mother. I used to think "what kind of mother am I to allow XXX to happen?" when things don't go right. I was even scared of holding the baby because baby won't stop crying. All that is now in the past, and I remember one particular phase I wrote in one of those postings then "and this too, shall pass".

Indeed, the difficult and trying times have past, and I have slowly (very slowly) formed an emotional attachment to my children. I can't imagine why I couldn't have love them back then. In fact, I even doubted if I could even love #2 as much as #1. I'm being totally honest, that I love them both just as much. I don't know about equal, because, how do you measure love for your children? I love them both, and that's all I know.

To all new mummies, hang in there. It may be tough now and when the light at the end of the tunnel doesn't seem to come fast enough, remember that "when the going gets tough, the tough gets going". You have the strength to see it through! That's why mothers' love is the greatest love of all, and with that, mothers are the greatest.

Chin up!