To the park, to the park, we go!

For the past 2 days, I've been trying to motivate myself to lose some weight, and to get out of the house!

So for the past mornings, we've been bringing Vanessa to visit the parks. We went to the Bukit Batok Nature Park yesterday morning (so near our palce yet we never venture there before ;P) and today, we went to the Botanica Gardens. We wanted to check out the Children's Garden but it's closed on Mondays.

[Food for thought - read only if you are interested in some bitchy musing:
Nope, we weren't the only parents who were met with locked gates. At least we realised it's closed on mondays, there were some folks who were still waiting patiently for the gates to open (it was close to 10am and the garden is opened at 8am - go figure). Not only that, I overheard some parents telling their kids to pray about it, that some other places would be opened for them to visit. Really, I don't think God would be very pleased to be an excuse for bad planning on the parent's part.]

I would say the Botanica Gardens was a much better workout - pushing the stroller up the Red Brick Path *pant* but we had fun ... Vanessa fell asleep while we were on the Red Brick Path, so we had a brunch break - had some food at the Les Amis Cafe. It was good, but the price was .... think $7.50 for 4 pancakes which were 10cm in diameter, and they added a little bit of strawberries to it. Nevertheless, it was yummy - I think I saw a strawberry buttermilk pancakes recipe somewhere.

I know Vanessa enjoyed the walks - she was kicking non-stop in her stroller! Just thinking which park to visit tomorrow!

If you are happy ...

When my girl is happy or pleased, she doesn't just show it with her usual sweet smile. She now happily waves her right leg in the air, or hang it over the stroller and kicks happily. Well, as long she doesn't kicks me, I'm happy!

Falling ill ...

First was my sweetheart, who had the runs 8 to 10 times day. As she didn't have any fever or any other symptoms, I decided to adopt the wait and see approach. When she had runs 4 times at night, we went straight to the PD and as I guessed correctly, the usual PD is on leave. Even the nurse concurred with me, it seems that Vanessa falls ill every time the PD goes on leave. Nothing unusual, only her intestines were rumbling. So we did the stool test just to eliminate the possibility of salmonella (the thingy that's been going around). The PD said it's probably just a viral infection (again) and of course, the guilt sets in once again since I've almost stopped breastfeeding (just a miserable 80ml of expressed breastmilk a day if I'm lucky).

Then the hubby came down with diarrhoea, vomitting and fever. He's down with gastric flu.

Then now I'm not feeling all the best either - tummy's feeling queasy, been visiting the loo but no loose stools. Been feeling the urge to hurl too (not a remote chance that I'm preggie) so I decided to skip dinner tonight. Finally got around to taking my mulit-vits, so forced every one to take a dose to prevent any further illness over this WONDERFUL FESTIVE SEASON. It's Christmas, for goodness sake, and the only chance I get to take leave and spend time at home before facing the onslaught of emails and phonecalls in January. It's unfortunate that it's also the festive season for the flu bug too. *sigh*

I want to enjoy my time off to sleep with my girl, not isolating her from me or the hubby just because we are sick. It's just so da*n ironical that we get to spend time at home, AWAY from her.

I survived!

on my helper's first day off.

My girl was very well behaved today, since I brought her shopping for a few hours at Takashimaya. We survived her poop fest, she slept on her daddy's shoulders twice without the need for a pacifier, she helped her daddy to choose the colour of a shirt, etc.

I thought it was really going to be REAL BAD, but surprisingly, she didn't wail for my helper - she only cried for her feed, and then cried because she was sleepy. She was quite happy with me feeding, bathing, changing, and patting her to sleep.

I think I passed the motherhood test =)

The sweetest of all ... Thy name is Revenge

Remember how I used to whine about my girl prefering the Daddy instead of the Mummy? How she coos at him and gives him the sweetest smile of all? How green-eyed I was when she happily dives into his arms?

It's MY time now ... now it's MUMMY'S TIME! And it is sweet, oh such sweet revenge with a vengeance.

My girl wants ME, and if she gets plucked out from my arms unwillingly, she will wriggle and squirm. And if I turn to leave both of them, out comes the "WAIL". Now she dives into my arms happily and gives me the sweetest smiles.

Oh, and she loves to secretly vomit on the Daddy ... which he doesn't realise until she's gurgling happily in my arms.

*sigh happily*

Feeling alive ...

It's been a long while I actually took a bus home (yes I know I'm pampered). Usually I'm drive, I get a lift or basically just hail a cab. Today the inspiration just struck me - I mean, it's a free ride to "almost" home anyway. Besides. the weather is simply lovely. So why not?

On the way back, I was doing the scene watching bit, then it suddenly struck me - Geez, how long has it been since I actually felt like an individual, that I feel alive and actually feel happy about it?

I was watching the trees and plants by the roadside swaying in the strong breeze, coupled by the beautiful golden hue of the sunset, and I realised what I have been missing, all this while, couped up in my office, my home, and even my marriage.

I actually miss the feeling of freedom, the scent of breeze, the rustling of the trees, the warmth of the sun. Too much time spent couped up in the office, too much time couped up at home, and too much time couped up in a relationship. It just wonderful to have a breather - a mere 5 minutes walk was all it took to make me HAPPY to be alive. And happy to strut back to the grind of work, home and marriage committments and ... into the arms of my sweetie pie :)

In one day ...

She's officially 8 months old and she has started playing with her saliva.

No, not the mad abstract artist who smears her saliva over the leather couch with her hands or feet (whichever that hasn't been restrained). She already did that a few weeks back.

She's doing the "let's blow bubbles (or rather saliva)" routine. She just STARTED it today only.

I'm glad I didn't miss it :)

Turning 8 ...

In 1 day time, my sweetiepie will be 8 months old.

How time really flies! I was looking at this beanie cushion she used to sleep on when she was 1 month old (the beanie cushion hugs around her from head to toe, so she's very cushy and secure). Now, probably it's just big enough to be her pillow ;P Too bad I don't have a before and after picture!

Her top 2 teeth is out, so she has now a total of 4 teeth.

She now wants to drink water from a cup, so she has her own pink hello kitty cup I got from Daiso for $2.

She's a lot more vocal now - if anyone walks out from the room she's in, she'll protest. Not because that person is her favourite, but because they are "going out" to the "FUN outside world".

She will protest too, when sometimes I am busy with my things and don't pay her attention. Or, when I stand in front of her but don't offer to carry her. She'll protest because she WANTS me.

Now, that's just sweet sweet motherhood.

The guilt and perils of motherhood

A brief summary of what has happened (strangely 2 of my previous post prior to this went missing)

1. She had a fever persistently over 2 days, and we had another scare when the urine dip stick came back positive for bacteria
2. She was on stronger antibotics since she was suspected to have UTI again
3. Fever came down and I thought I could do with a little break - so I went out for dinner with my colleagues and left baby with hubby and helper.
4. Came back at 10pm and her fever was above 39 (highest was 39.7). Worse still, she was vomitting (I heard her gacking).
5. Rang the PD emergency line, but not avail. The operator advised us to bring her in to the A & E.
6. I had a real bad tummy ache just then, so my hubby and helper rushed to A & E, while I did my business. Then hailed a cab and rushed down.
7. I ran through the door and my poor baby was staring at me forlornly from the consultation room. She wanted me! So I carried her while we waited in another consultation room (for fever patients only) we were ushered in.
8. Doc *hmmm* and decided she needs to be warded for observation and tests, since it's not a good sign that she's been running a fever for 3 days.
9. Tears rolled down while waiting for the room. No 1 bedder available! So I asked if we could have a 2 bedder that was unoccupied to convert into a 1 bedder. Managed to get one *phew*
10. After settling in, I went back with my hubby (helper with baby) to get all the stuff - baby's pillow, clothes, toys, food, tioletries, our clothes, tioletries, etc. Basically we had like 5 bags of stuff.
11. Reached the hospital at 2am. Helper was crying because baby was crying - the tubing for the drip was put in while we were away. Had to comfort both.
12. Settled in for the night - I slept with baby in the cot and my helper in the other bed.
13. Baby hated all the medicine, and by morning, as long as the door was opened, she would jumped and stare at whoever came into the room. If it's the nurse or doctor, she would start fussing. She would cry as long as they touched her.
14. It got REALLY bad. She refused to eat her food unless I ate some in front of her - including all her favourite jar food and biscuits!
15. The worst was when they had to inject the antibotics - the timer would be set for 20 minutes, and we had to try distract her - we ended up allowing her to chew on all the tags/ labels on the toys and blankie. It actually worked.
16. 2 night of sleeplessness! On the 2nd night, she was so fussy, I ended up letting her sleep on my chest, while I sat up. Another position had her sleeping on my tummy/ arms so I had to bend my knees to support her. My whole body was aching the next day!
17. Fever finally subsided to 37-ish so we finally could go home.
18. Concluded not UTI, not rota virus *phew*
19. Panicked again when she started having rashes all over her body - face, back. legs, etc.
20. Rang the PD again and they said it means she had a viral fever, which explained the other non-symptoms and the tiny red dots which appears once the fever subsides.

And all this while I am planning to stop breastfeeding - I've cut down to 2 pump sessions each time and the stress (including work stress) now means I am producing barely enough for 2 feeds a day.

How do I feel about trying to stop breastfeeding? Guilty.
How do I feel about enjoying a dinner with my colleagues? Guilty.
How do I feel about being a mother? Lousy.

*sigh*

Check out my Slide Show!

The Making of a Glamourous Princess

Hahaha I couldn't stop laughing at this picture when my brother sent it over. She's so FUNNY and cute.

Anyway this poor girl is down with chicken pox and this 2 coming weeks IS PEAK AT WORK FOR ME! *argh*

as promised!

New photos of my girl that is ....

Enjoy!

Isn't she the sweetest baby ... *cooochi coochi!*

out for lunch

Today was one of those rare days we ventured out for lunch with Vanessa without our helper. We managed fine and I managed to coax her to sleep (finally!) without a pacifier *strut* I wasn't going to risk her flinging her pacificer on the hapless crowds walking below the bridge! So we (or rather I) managed to eat my dessert in peace and chit chat with the other couple we were out with.

I wanted to do some grocery shopping after lunch but her sleepfest was cut short by the loud thunder *sigh* so we headed home instead. She was quite good on the way home - just drinking her milk and watching the rain pelt against the window. I don't think I could have managed if she was wailing her lungs out!

Thank you, sweetie ...

What a happy day!

Vanessa is sure in a good mood today ... she's been doing the "SUNSHINE BEAM!" the entire day, even now!

I guess some things helped : -

1. she had a nice, LONG sleep - from 10 pm last night till 7 am this morning. It helped that she was sleepy through both her feeds, and just went straight back to slumberland after she spat out the teat.

2. she had a yummy and nutricious breakfast, lovingly cooked by moi. I got up to cook millet porridge for her, even though I really wanted to crawl back to the bed and zZzzZzz. Added her favourite side dish, which was sweet potatoes - she didn't quite finish all, but my dogs sure lapped up every bit that was left!

3. she got to go shopping at her favourite place - Daiso! I was happy too, since I had been wanting to make a trip to Daiso for quite some time. Bought some foodstuff as well as Christmas-y stuff (couldn't quite resist it - they were making announcements about it!). Got a cute reindeer headband for her too - she simply loves it!

Happy? You bet ...

Oooo Vanessa is jealous!

Well, it sure feels good!

Kaitlyn is the latest addition to my family, and she's the third golden piglet for this year!
She was fast asleep in my arms (didn't want to sleep on the bed) and I was trying to entertain my baby (who was being carried by my helper) at the same time.

My sweetheart let loose her inner green eyed monster and decided that mummy was being mean to her. So, I became invisible to her and she deliberately ignored me. How can it be? Oh yes man!

For example, she would turn her head in various directions when being carried. So I called her from behind, and her head didn't turn but she look straight ahead, even for a few minutes!

Later when I showed her the baby, she tried to pull away my fingers. She even pouted at me! She did show her displeasure to me on the way home. Basically, I became invisible. She refused to look at me or if she did, she refused to smile at me.

Anyway I paid back my dues, she made me carry her for at least 1 hour while she happily zzzzzZZzzZzz-ed away.

Hell hath known no fury like a baby scorned ;P

Ooops I did it again!

hehe ... on purpose though - this must be the thoughts of my sweetheart.

I read somewhere that babies have an acute sense of smell, thus they can smell the source of milk even a few feet away. I think my girl is putting this sense to another use - something similar to what my doggies do, that is, marking her territory.

She seems to be very fond of leaving some vomit on my hubby - so we can see the remnants of avocado, pumpkin or milk curds on his tee shirt after he has carried her. This morning, she left a big patch on his bermudas. Last night, she left 1 patch on my left arm, 1 patch on my right arm and 1 patch on my left shoulder. And ... she does it with glee - you can almost see that "evil" in her cheeky grin.

Ah well, as long as I'm marked hers, I'm fine with it - better than her not claiming to be my daughter. Gimme more!

Psst: I finally managed to capture that 2 teeth sticking out from her gums - will post it once I've fiz the picture up. The new camera is really doing a fantastic job! I love it!

an Ode to Poppy

I remember how

tall and strong you are;

I remember how

you terrorize me;

I remember how

you left 2 bitemarks on my arm.

 

But ...

 

I remember how

obedient you can be;

I remember how

loving you can be;

I remember how

you just wanted to be petted.

 

RIP, Poppy.

Trouble never comes without an accomplice

It's one thing after the other.

L got diagnosed with cancer and has to return to Manila for treatment. That leaves Cheyne in a bind, where is he going to go? He cannot stay indefinitely in a kennel.

Poppy had breathing difficulties, and found to have a growth in his throat. He underwent surgery on Wednesday - that cost my brother $2K alone, not including the "hospital stay".

Now, Rascal has a stone in his bladder, which accounts for his bloody urine. He's scheduled for an operation this coming Monday, which will cost me about $1K.

Poor dogs, Poor us ... I just hope I can strike toto (first prize!!!!) this monday, then it would help to cover the cost of the treatment for all.

*sianz*

MCUG and all ...

We brought her down for the MCUG test today - poor thing, hungry and thristy... no food or water since 6am. Then they sedated her, which made her even more cranky since she's sleepy and hungry and thristy. The procedure was pretty fast - over in less than 30 minutes! My girl was apparently very cooperative - just did what she had to do and to get out.

Then she got her jab (the 6-in-1) by another PD since her regular one had to attend an emergency case. Too cut a long story short, she wasn't pleased with this PD at all.

Then at 9pm, the PD called with the results of the MCUG test. Good news, no operation needed. Bad news, she has Grade 2 VUR, which means her reflux reaches her kidneys. Well, at least we can manage her problem since we now know it. She would be on antibiotics for at least 1 year, and we'll see how it goes from there.

Just so very tired now ... I'll write more when I'm in the right frame of mind.

The very last few straws ...

that breaks the camel's back figuratively ...

 

I've been having blocked ducts and plugged ducts for the entire week - so imagine my pain and the frustration at spending 1/4 of the day pumping away just because a few ducts refuse to copperate.

 

I've even rushed down to my PD's office to beg for a few syringes because the usual haunt didn't have stock and the other place I bought is the wrong brand (trust me, the brand DOES matter). I've also been to a lactation consultant for help. Well, that solved 1 problem, but a few others blocked  ducts came up as well, and now I'm battling this really stubborn plugged ducts.

 

I'm just so tired from all these, that I am serious comtemplating to give up breastfeeding for good. My girl refuses to latch on now, she even pushes me away! I can only console myself that she's teething so she doesn't want to hurt me by treating my breasts as a teething tool.

 

I've tried all kinds of tools that I shall not mention here, and I've even tried using baby's oil to soften the "plugged duct" to no avail. I will probably visit another lactation consultant 1 more time and if it doesn't work, I'm throwing in the towel. I'm really too tired to go on. I want to spend time playing with my baby, not desperately trying to clear ducts.

 

I've been neglecting my sweethear due to the increased time in pumping, so much so that she complained loudly when she saw me. She was being carried by the daddy and she more than readily hopped into my arms when I offered to carry her. She quietened down immediately and slump on my shoulder. The feeling ... wonderfully sweet ... after being so ultra miserably tired and suffering from that constant pulsing pain in the chest.

 

Even my dogs complained about the lack of attention. The boy doggie yelped so loudly one morning behind my back (I was getting ready to go to work) that I thought my husband stepped on his paws accidentally. My hubby claimed that he didn't even touch him at all! All this while, the dog looked so sad, with the ears flattened down and the poor suffering paw hanging up in the air. So my hubby checked his paws and there was no cut. The dog got up, still with the poor suffering paw held up from the offending ground. I was thinking what's wrong with him when the girl doggie came bouncing in and immediately the pain in that paw was forgotten. HE WAS FAKING IT! My goodness ;P

 

Anyway back to the original topic - yes I'm considering to give it up for good. I've done my best and it's just too bad that one breast isn't cooperating at all. However, even though my girl doesn't want to latch on anymore, there's this lingering sadness ... whenever I think that I wouldn't be breastfeeding anymore ...