Heartache of a mother

I resumed work on Tuesday as planned and sent my girl to my mum's house early in the morning with my maid. She seems to enjoy the fuss from my mum and after settling her stuff (including the bouncer), we left for work.

Work was a blur - I had a hard time trying to recall what I did before I went on maternity leave and picking up from there. I still have the boxes of files to clear - must do it before the end of next week! I have 2 pictures of my girl - one on my shelf, the other just next to my computer. When I look at her picture, I have this warm fuzzy feeling but also missing her terribly.

Pumping at work was not quite pleasant - felt very self conscious even though I had my own room. I couldn't have any letdown so it was so tedious trying to clear my breasts. Didn't have much - about 150ml , 50ml short of my usual pump. Anyway, I wasn't too worried since I had cart the entire frozen stock over to my mum's place so my girl will have enough BM for now.

At the end of the day, my hubby made the effort to knock off on time so we "zoomed" home to find my girl crying. So we went to wash our hands and as usual, she coo-ed to her father and fell asleep in his arms. I took over from him after I had finished my dinner and she opened her eyes a little and then dozed off. Then she opened her eyes again, this time wide open and she saw that it wasn't her daddy, she wailed loudly! So ended up my hubby carried her while eating his dinner. Later my maid carried her and she was awake - I held her hand and she made a very angry noise and pulled her hand away! *sigh* She didn't want me near her, and same thing happened when we reach home. So I just pumped and went to bed early.

Next morning, I woke up and baby was awake already. So I went to sayang her and again she refused to let me touch her! I was so upset but I had to pump, so I left her with the maid. While pumping in my room, I wept because I was so upset by her rejection. Then my hubby entered with her asleep in his arms, asking if I wanted to nurse since she may be hungry. I complained and said she is bullying me - you know what this little baby did? SHE SMILED IN HER SLEEP! *argh* I can't believe it!

Anyway, I did try to nurse her and she allowed me to, without any fuss. In fact, she even fell asleep on my breast, so I eased her in between my legs (she was sleeping on my pillow) with her head resting on top of my knee. I had to continue pumping since she fed briefly on that breast before falling asleep. Halfway through, she moved and wriggled her way towards my tummy so that her head is facing my tummy and her body closer to my tummy. After all she put me through, she makes up to me by snuggling up to me. Ya, I am willing to be "ill-treated" by her anytime, as long as she makes it up to me.

This morning? She was so smiley to me and was willing to let me carry her without any protest, even falling asleep without fussing. I almost couldn't bear to go to work ... When I returned from work this afternoon, she woke up to welcome me home! She smiled and coo-ed a little to me (not as much as she does to her daddy though!) and snuggled in my arms and fell asleep again.

*sigh* ...