Journey of the Twin Peaks

It's been almost 4 weeks since I gave birth to Vanessa, and almost 4 weeks of breastfeeding and pumping.

Now that my supply is somewhat established, and I don't face a major problem having her latching on to my breasts, I feel that I have achieved a major milestone.

I don't look back at the first 2 weeks very fondly - since they were marked mostly with pain, sore nipples and having to deal with not just emotional and physical stress, but also battling with the need to balance for personal time and having to please family members.

I'm glad that my baby were of the "normal" weight/ size, hence I had that 3 day headstart for breastfeeding. I'm also glad that while she's not a very strong sucker, she latches on well enough for me to feel confident about breastfeeding her.

I do remember very vividly, the first few days in the hospital, when I tried TBF (total breastfeeding) - how much the hubby helped me, how Vanessa didn't stress me by not wailing her lungs out (in fact we were wondering if she's hungry since everytime she's wheeled into the room, she was happily sleeping!), and by the stroke of luck, we decided to stay one extra day since her jaundice level was still a bit high, and hence I had help on hand when I suffered the breasts engorgement.

Then the problem of having sufficient milk supply to feed the baby presented itself. I had already started pumping in the hospital after I bf, and the amounts were mearge. I could try pumping for 30 minutes, and all I could extract were a mere 5ml. At times when I could express 10ml to 20ml, the sense of accomplishment were immediately shot down since that particular nurse said "So little only, where got enough, she need at least 30ml!". So much for their PRO BF stand.

When I got home, again I was given the pressure to feed baby formula milk, since my amount were minute still. I have to express 3 times after bf to get a 40ml feed, and I was so tired from bf, pumping and then bf again. In the end, we did get a tin of formula milk, but I take pride in that we only gave her 1 feed of formula milk and the rest from my milk supply for her daily needs.

I guess it helped that I am so stubborn. The more they insist that baby doesn't have enough and that I can't produce enough milk, the MORE I want to prove them wrong. Of course, it also lead to other pains, like engorgement due to the prolonged pumping, blocked ducts since I was bent on producing enough milk by pumping and not latching on enough, but I would say, I think I'm working my way around the obstacles pretty ok. Not excellent, but I would give myself a pass grade. I may need to sacrifice my beauty sleep and some, but I have achieved sufficient milk supply for my girl currently.

I do not know if I will have enough in a month's time, or even tomorrow - but if I don't have enough, it's ok. There's always formula milk as a backup, and I can always to attain enough milk supply another day, somewhere down the road.

Of course there are always the overachievers, 300ml in 15 ml flat and only having given birth 2 weeks ago. There are also the underachievers, because they believed not in themselves, but others who told them they didn't have enough milk.

If you had asked me if I am going to plan for no. 2, in the first 2 weeks, I had flatly said NO. If motherhood is a natural thing, then why is it so hard to breastfeed our baby, when it is the most "natural" thing in motherhood?

If you ask me now, I may consider a no. 2 later on. Breastfeeding a child is not easy, but it can be done.

Oh, and my daily milk production is now + or - 40ml from 900ml ;P depending if I let baby latch on (I don't add those into my total) and whether I follow my pumping schedule strictly. And all done in a third of the time I used to express that 700/ 800ml of milk.