Thought of the day

I've been musing quite a fair bit, especially during pumping, since my hands are pretty occupied.

Then my mind wandered to this "recall" of a conversation with one of my gfs, who's married and not planning to have a kid yet. She was telling me about being reluctant to meet this other group of "babies crazy" mothers, since they will keep telling her how great it is to have kids and she MUST have kids NOW.

My thoughts on that? It's the same as facing relatives every CNY - "When are you getting married?" "How come you don't have a boyfriend yet?" "Oh your face has so much acne!" "When are you going to have a kid?". If you didn't like it yourself, please don't do it to others. If you have forgotten about how irritating it is, please remember that other people have OTHER priorities in life.

Since now I have my own child, how does the above apply?

A marriage is a contract between 2 persons, like it or not. For better or worse, the couple is suppose to stick through thick and thin, because of LOVE. If it doesn't work out for some reason, there's always the easy way out, which is just to walk out on the marriage.

Having a child, it is a totally different ballgame. You cannot just walk away from it. Even your body will react to having a child, like producing breast milk (for ladies that is).

If the baby cries, I cannot just walk away like in an argument with my hubby.

If the baby is hungry, I cannot say "Just wait a while, let me finish this TV programme first" or "Make yourself a milo first".

If the baby's diaper is wet or dirty, I cannot tell the baby to clean up after herself.

If the baby is tired and sleepy, I cannot just ask the baby to go to bed and tuck herself in.

If the baby is sick or feeling unwell, I cannot just remind the baby to see the doctor - I'll have to make an appointment with the PD and carry her in my arms till the PD is available to see us.

Having a child is the ultimate committment - not just physically, it's also mentally, emotionally and financially. I cannot just walk away from her and let her take care of herself.

Having a child is not for everyone - unless they are prepared for the worst roller coaster ride in the entire life.

Every cry, I'll jump, because I'm not sure what's wrong with her. I can deal if she's hungry or diaper's dirty, but not if all the above is checked and it's not the cause of her crying. Everything she throws up her milk, my heart aches, because I wonder if she's feeling unwell (although everyone says it's normal). She cannot vocalise her discomfort, although the confinement nanny says we can tell from her facial expressions and cries - it makes me wonder if I am really up to the job of being a mother.

But ...

every smile makes my heart melt,
every time she grasp my fingers I feel loved,
every time she latches on I feel comforted (despite the occasional yelps of pain),
every time I see her little fingers and toes I feel so fascinated ... and so much more ...

Only have a child because you and your partner wants to. It's not a toy, you cannot return or exchange it, and you are liable for it for life. Stop asking "When are you going to have a child?" or "Why don't you want to have a child?" End of it, it's not your own child - it's the couple's private decision. Each to their own, and in their own time.