Suviving the Motherhood Game

11:55pm 5th April 2007

We just carried baby Vanessa back to the nursery – I'm getting quite reluctant to part with her, since she sleeps like an angel after feeding. Did I mention she gives a cheeky satisfied smile when she gets picked up if she whines a little after her feed? She's so … cute! But enough gushing from a love struck mother of a newborn baby – motherhood is serious business.

Why? You hear about people saying that they are not ready to be a parent, I said the same thing – being emotionally and mentally prepared and capable to deal with a child.

How wrong I am – nothing ever could have prepared me for motherhood! It's has a STEEP learning cycle, expecting me to survive the balls (HUGE BIG ONES) thrown my way with a reduced (MUCH) and erratic sleep pattern.

How on earth could you be prepared for breastfeeding? All the demos and all the how-to-do-it videos can never prepare you for the fretting, the worrying, the pain, the soreness and the satisfaction. Contradictory? You bet – when the baby "chomps" on the nipple, you worry if you have enough milk, you wince from the soreness, you sigh for the little sleep you had (before they wheel her in for the next feed), then you have a inner glow of satisfaction when she lustily roots for your nipple and suck contentedly for the next hour or so. Especially she gives that cheeky satisfied smirk.

Not to mention that the first few days, worrying if I have milk and now, I worry about breast engorgement. I've never seen them so HUGE – it's painful too to touch, so now I'm dependent on baby Vanessa to help relieve some of the engorgement. I've tried pumping with my breast pump, so far I've like 5 ml of milk after 30 minutes of pumping (both breasts!). I'm proud that I've survived "Total Breast Feeding" so far – for how much longer, I have no idea but I'm getting used to the soreness/ pain.

I must say though, 80% of the credit goes to the Hubby – without him, I couldn't have done it on my own. The pain from the wound makes it relatively easier for me to feed her lying down, so he has been helping me to position her, holding her head correctly, while I desperately try to maneuver the nipple into the mouth. Fortunately too, she's quite a good rooter, so she "grabs" on pretty fast. He then helps to burp her while I gingerly flip to the other side to prepare her for the next round of feeding. Do all this on my own? Impossible! So Kudos to the Hubby!

Did I mention he has the football hold, the crossover hold, the whatever hold down pat? All I can manage is just the crossover hold!