Baby food

In case you are wondering which book I'm reading - it's this:



Super Baby Food by Ruth Yaron







Some reviews did complain that since the author is a vegetarian, she is bias against feeding children meat. So decide for yourself.

I like it for the fact that I can make my own baby food, which would otherwise be available commercially (Gerber's, etc). With all the food scares recently, really, I rather spend a little time to make the food for her, than to buy it readily off the shelves.

Flip-a-baby

She was trying to flipped earlier this evening (for me) and she did a flip so beautifully with her elbows tucked in correctly to support her when she's on her tummy. She was so pleased with herself - she went "yay! yay! yay!" and smiled happily.

Too bad I didn't capture it with my camera ...

Vanessa is 4 months old!

Wow, it's been more than 2 weeks since I last blog and Vanessa is already 4 months old (and 1 day).

I've been really busy at work - trying to complete my work on time and scheduling my pump sessions in between and flying home early enough to catch her before she sleeps.

This isn't going to be in chronological order of events - I'll just ramble off the events as I remember it:

Flip-Over:

1. Last sunday (29th July), she did her first-assisted flip over. I held her leg and after much huff and puff, she managed to flip over.
2. On friday morning (3rd August), she proudly demostrated to her parents her first flip by herself without any assistance (the maid claims she did twice by herself on the day before but since I didn't see it, it didn't quite count!).

Bonding with Vanessa:

1. Last friday the office had a function so she arrived just before dinner time at the hotel to 'check in for the night'. Since I was pumping and it was way past her feedtime (she didn't want to feed though), so I nursed her for a shortwhile and then asked the maid to bottlefeed. She didn't want to! For the very first time, she rejected the bottle for my breasts! In fact, after she returned to my arms, she rooted so I let her suckle until she was contented - it made me turned up for the dinner so late that I only managed to grab a plate of food before the hotel staff eagerly pounced to clear up the buffet table. Even if they had cleared the buffet by the time I arrive, I wouldn't had mind.
2. Also, she slept with me on the bed, so I tended to her until it was 4am, and I passed her to my maid as I still had some meetings to attend to in the morning.
3. On Saturday, the hubby got relegated to sleep on the floor. Not because of some domestic dispute but so that Vanessa can sleep comfortably on the bed. She woke up a few times, but I managed to put her back to sleep - which included me sleeping in a sitting position with her sleeping on my chest. I managed to last till about 3am, then she wanted her feed so I handed her back to my maid. I was supposed to go back to get her but I conked out for the rest of the night ;P
4. Last night, I was quite worried because she basically almost slept the entire Friday away. By the time I brought her into my room (after pumping), it was 11pm and her feed was suppose to be at 12 midnight. Anyway, she ZzZZzZ-ed till 1 am then complained. So I carried her over to the maid, prepared the formula feed and went back to nap for 30 minutes while she was fed. This time, I set the alarm for ring in 30 minutes time, so I went over to fetch her back to sleep. She slept quite well, except a few times when she woke up fussing. I guessed correctly she wanted to burp, so she went back to dreamland happily after she was burped. By the time we woke up next, it was 6am! Anyway we changed her nappy (no poo poo even though she gassed me quite a few times earlier) then I brought her back to bed and I got my pump gear ready. Then I turned to look at her, she was holding her new comforter and smiling so sweetly at me. So I got the hubby up, shifted her to the centre of the bed, so that he could play with her.
5. Tonight we shall see how she will sleep. I noticed that whenever she has something new - new mattress, cot, bumper, pillow, comforter, whatever, she sleeps very well in it (like breaking in the item!).

Her first solids:

1. Er, not quite yet. I've been reading the super baby food book given by my Sis-in-law and it seems like the choices of first solids are: banana, avocado, sweet potato and commercial rice cereal.
2. I managed to hunt down organic sweet potatoes (4 small ones that cost $4!), steamed it, pureed it, strained it and it's now sitting in my fridge / freezer. I have 2 portions for tomorrow and Monday morning - 1 teaspoon each, and we shall see how she takes to it. I have a feeding spoon somewhere, so just need to dig for it.
3. No pictures of it since it's just purple mush (we do have purple sweet potatoes, just like there's blue potato and blue corn).

Bad Mummy!:

1. Went home later by an hour or so one day after work, and she was already fast asleep when I reached. So I started on my dinner, then she stirred a little (she was asleep in the sling) so the maid walked over with her. She opened her eyes and looked at me. I smiled at her but she just glared at me and closed her eyes. I knew I was in for it!
2. Next morning, I got it from her. She was very happy to have her Daddy carrying her (bias! he was even later than me!) but the moment she saw me she started making unhappy noises. Usually she's quite happy to lie next to me and watch me pump for a little while. That morning, the moment she was put on the pillow next to me, she complained immediately and basically was quiet once she wasn't near me! Geez ... OK I got the message out and clear!
3. So that day, I knocked off just 15 minutes late and then zoomed home ... I reached home and she was just fussing to sleep. The moment she saw me she stopped and she didn't complain about me carrying her. She allowed me to carry her for almost 30 minutes without any complaints! She didn't sleep but seem to be enjoying my presence. After that, she even entertained my Aunt a little while more, then she slept. The morning after, back to normal, she smiled at me again and we continued our morning ritual. *sigh*

I'll post up the pictures and videos once I get around to downloading it.

*gasp*

My girl is in a hurry to grow ... she just cleaned out 160ml (that's 5.5 oz)! and her last feed was only 145ml 2 hours ago!

At the rate she is going, my milk supply is hardly going to be enough for her! I just took out 1 pack of my FBM and starting thawing it. The only good thing is that each of my FBM is 160ml - so it makes it easy to defrost and to bottle each time.

I am still gaping at the empty bottle ....

Other than eating, sleeping and crying ...

Vanessa is enjoying a brand new hobby ... dancing! and oh, she's officially starting on the 140ml feed ;P

Growing too fast ...

Vanessa is faring quite well after her jab. other than being a little cranky due to the heat, she only had a slight temperature twice.

She also had 2 patches of rashes, but since I couldn't lay my hands on the Avent "Magic Cream", I bought Gaia Soothing Skin Lotion instead, and it worked very well - 1 patch is gone and the other seems to be healing very well.

She also upped her quota - chugging down 145ml of milk once, to our disbelief. She had 125ml and then cried for more ... so I gingerly poured another 40ml for her to take and she had 20ml and promptly spat out the teat. For now, she seems to hover between 110ml to 125ml - when she starts to drain the 125ml dry, that's when all the Avent 125ml bottles goes into storage (I have 7 of them) and the 260ml comes into play.

She's also preferring to sleep on her tummy and last night, she only woke up twice for milk (from 10pm to 7am) which is quite a feat since she will usually wake up at 10pm, 1am & 4am before her next feed 7am. I just hope she will start sleeping through the night soon!

For the last week, I didn't have much time to spend with her - when she's awake, I'm pumping milk or fast asleep. When I'm awake. she's fast asleep. I had been ZzzZZzzZ away by 9 pm almost every night - just very exhausted from work and the lack of sleep. My pump cycle had to adjust accordingly if I couldn't wake up at 11pm to pump - waking up at 4 am to pump instead and then trying to grab another hour of sleep before it's time to wake up for work. Thankfully there's the weekend to do a little catching up on, but it's just too short.

I'm planning to buy a mattress so that I can sleep on the floor with her during the weekends. She's beginning to want to flip, so I guess it's safer for us to sleep on the floor instead.

I'm also planning to go for the next family photoshoot by end of the month, before she outgrows the "Me" tee I bought her. I bought some other clothes for her - sizing 12 to 18 months but I doubt she can fit in at that age! So We've been clearing out the smaller clothes and digging out all the clothes we thought she will take ages to fit in (how very wrong!) and packing her wardrobe accordingly.

At 3 months and 2 days old ...

My little sweetheart is now weighing in at 6.3kg and has grown to 62cm long/ tall. Wow, so I wasn't wrong when I said she was growing by leaps and bound!

The PD gave her a clean bill of health and progress, as the parents, we are happy and relieved. She also took in 2 jabs of vaccine and recieved another orally. How is she doing? Sluggish and tired and not taking in much milk, but so far no fever yet. She seems to be ok, but will have to keep an eye on her. I've taken leave for tomorrow to watch over her, so hopefully everything goes well *fingers crossed*

Vanessa is 3 months old!

How time flies, she's already 3 months old and she's grown so much - exactly by how much I'll find out this coming Thursday when we bring her for her next jab.

I'm now busy with work - the pace is picking up and I'm trying to cope with the flow. I still have so many new things to pick up and I hope I can do a good job. Not a matter concerning rice bowl, but the personal satisfaction of having done well in my job. Which brings me to my other full-time "job" as a mummy.

How am I faring? I think so far so good - I've learnt not to get upset when she cries. I'll let her cry it out while trying to soothe her, compared to a few weeks back when I'll just break down. I've learnt new tricks to try to entertain her - old songs come trickling to my brain cells as I sing to her. I'm just glad she likes my singing, I am tone deaf by the way!

How is my girl faring? Oh, she's growing by leaps and bounds, and she amazes me with her vocab. On a few occasions, she has made sounds that are so appropriate that we cannot help but be amazed by her - just too bad for my hubby he missed it all.

Example 1, I was carrying her when my maid came to show me a ropeburn on her finger, telling me how my naughty dog jerked the leash when my tiny one said, "HAR?"

Example 2 (this one I'll probably remember it for life), my maid was carrying her and I said to her, "Mummy's at home because I'm not feeling well, but tommorrow Mummy has to go back to work the whole day ok?" Her response? "UH-OH!" I'm wondering if it's too many ICQ beeps on my PC when she was nestling in my tummy.

I'm so afraid I'll miss so many more of her little moments, but I'm sure she will reserve some very special ones for her mummy...

Vanessa is upset ...

with us picking her up late from my mum's house.

Today I left work slightly late as I had the urgent need to pump ;P so by the time we reach my mum's place it was 7 plus. She was asleep but she was frowning!

My maid said she started fussing by 4pm and she told baby that mummy and daddy are still working so to be a good girl and sleep first. She did! And then, she woke up at 6pm and when she realise no signs of daddy and mummy, she threw a tantrum apparently and wailed angrily. So my maid had to pacify her and put her in the sling, then she went back to sleep.

We quickly finished our dinner, and she did wake up briefly to peek at her daddy who was carrying her. I guess that was good enough for her and then she continued to dream about milk bottles in dreamland. On the way back, she woke up and stare at me throughout the journey home, not making any noise.

We had a small window of time to play with her as it was nearing her next feed - she's sleepy but getting hungry so she's just contented to be carried. For a short while, she chatted with us, making her baby noises, then she got cranky and started to bully her daddy. So I got the maid to check her diapers while I went to warm up her milk. After her feed, she's now fast asleep and I hope she doesn't wake up at 3 am and refuse to sleep till 6am!. She does it from time to time, and it's quite tiring for my maid. Thankfully I'm on 1/2 day leave tomorrow, so if she does that, I can take over in the afternoon and let my maid rest a bit. I'll probably tuck in early tomorrow too - been surviving on 4 to 5 hours of sleep during workdays and it's getting to me. Hmmmm ... never quite expect myself to survive on such little sleep, afterall I'm well known to need my 8 hours of beauty sleep, else I'll turn into a sulky beast hehehehe

Sing a song of teddy bear ...

Teddy bear, teddy bear, run upstairs.
Teddy bear. teddy bear, say your prayers,
Teddy bear, teddy bear, turn off the lights,
Teddy bear, teddy bear, say good night.

We've been playing this nursery rhymes CD for her and this song is stuck in my head for today (previously was hot cross bun something).

As usual, in the evening she's tired but she kept her eyes wide open. We did make good use of the time by talking to her and playing with her for a little while. She was quite happy, smiling away at her precious daddy. She also reserved a smile for me when I kissed her (yup, my heart melted like a piece of butter on a heated pan).

After the fun, she was contented to let me carry her and sing to her. I was (and still is) very tired and I could really only remember the song above so I sang to her like a broken record, just repeating that 4 lines. She was SO contented, she even allowed me to sit down (normally she wants me to walk around). After a while, without me realising it, she dozed off quietly. The feeling is ... so sweet that I let her continue to sleep in my arms for the hour, until I really had to make a trip to the loo.

The time spent with her now seems so urgent. Why? Since I have returned to work, I hardly get to look at her, smell her, cuddle her, kiss her ... it's a moment to be savoured, but one that passes too quickly ...

Truly it's Father's Day

hehehe... what a Happy Father's Day my girl presented to my hubby today (in addition to the brand new daddy's baby couture sling diaper bag, a Tatty Bear holding a cloth greeting card, and a photo frame of her in it - courtesy of mummy's bank)!

The maid and I went to do marketing and I had to run errands as well, so he was left alone with the baby for about 2 hours. When we came back, he reported that baby was crying and she pooped so much until her clothes were stained as well. So he singlehandedly cleaned her up and changed her! Not only that, when we were back, I egged him to bathe the girl - he promised to do so yesterday. Well he did (with the maid guiding him), and I think it boosted his confidence further!

It's truly a father's day celebration, since he did almost all of what a father should do (not just celebrating the fact he's the father). I'm sure Vanessa is proud of her daddy passing the challenges she posed with flying colours!

My girl learns how to play II

I managed to film a short clip when she first started learning how to play with the toys on the bar. Most importantly to me, it captured her smiling so sweetly!

Sweet memories are made of these ...

From a mother's view, one of the sweetest sight must be of her baby asleep in her arms.

I finally managed to take a picture of her sleeping in my arms, after numerous attempts (thank goodness for digital cameras!) and I got a few which left me relatively satisfied (but not quite a replica of my view).

It won't be long before she ditches her mum for her friends, but for now, let me savour the moment and a photo to remember this moment by.

A baby comes in between Rascal and Phoebe

Pretty babe!

Some friends gave us some very pretty and very frilly dress for our girl when she turned 1 month old. We just took it out recently and decided that we should let her wear it before she outgrows them!

Today we had a lunch appointment with one of our friends and so she got dressed in one of the frilly dresses. We also had this gift of a headband, so we decided to let her wear it just for the fun of it - or rather my own amusement.

I did had a good laugh when we put it on - just see her expression!

Anyway there will be an opportunity for her to dress up again for tomorrow's family lunch - we're celebrating Father's Day!

Conversation between a mother and her little girl

Little girl: *smiles* Yay!
Mother: Ooo cutie pie!
Little girl: *gurgles* Oooocha!
Mother: Oooocha too!
Little girl: *give a little laugh* *kicks her legs* *stares at her mother happily*
Mother: Goochi gooochi!
Little girl: Yay!
....

You get the idea. Anyway, this is my conversation with my girl this morning, and the longest we ever had to date - about 10 minutes!

Needless to say, she had me bowled over and now I am ready to grovel at her feet - any time, any day.

Finally I get to bake! Butter Cookies!

I hadn't baked in the longest time, the last "adventure" being my annual Christmas cakes last December.

Before I returned to the daily grind of work, I decided I MUST bake something.

Usually, given that I had the urge to bake, I'll normally choose to bake a cake, since I find it a whole lot easier than cookies. However, since I was pouring over my 3 ingredient cookbook, I found this recipe which seem simple enough so lure me back to the cookie baking business.

The ingredients that were called for:
1 cup Butter (I used SCS salted butter)
2/3 cup lightly packed soft brown sugar (The recipe originally called for golden granulated sugar)
2 and 2/3 cup Plain Flour
Plus Demera Sugar to roll the cookie dough in (I added some edible red glitter too)

I also added 2 teaspoon vanilla essence and some red food colouring (I wanted pink cookies! but they turned out peachy colour :P)

The method? Oh so simple!

1. Heat the oven to 160 degree Celsius.
2. Cream butter and sugar together till fluffy. Add Vanilla essence and beat a little more.
3. Stir in flour and mix into a soft dough (non sticky!).
4. Tear a piece of baking paper and shape the dough into a long roll on it. You can have it round or square or rectangle.
5. On one side of the baking paper, sprinkle a thick layer of demera sugar.
6. Coat the dough with the sugar. Wrapped with the baking paper when done.
7. Put into the fridge to chill for at least 30 mins (I put mine overnight).
8. Unwrap the dough and cut into slices. Place on baking sheet (I put a layer of baking paper on top) at least an inch apart. The cookie will still expand somewhat.
9. Bake for 15 to 20 minutes or till golden brown (depends on how big your cookies are).
10. Tadah! Lovely with coffee, tea or just on its own!

Enjoy!

My disaster for this bake? I lost one of the paddle for my mixer so I couldn't cream the butter and sugar with my mixer =( I had to cream with a wooden spoon which I hadn't done so since *count count* GEEZ! 20 years ago! Anyway thankfully the cookies turned out fantastic!

Heartache of a mother

I resumed work on Tuesday as planned and sent my girl to my mum's house early in the morning with my maid. She seems to enjoy the fuss from my mum and after settling her stuff (including the bouncer), we left for work.

Work was a blur - I had a hard time trying to recall what I did before I went on maternity leave and picking up from there. I still have the boxes of files to clear - must do it before the end of next week! I have 2 pictures of my girl - one on my shelf, the other just next to my computer. When I look at her picture, I have this warm fuzzy feeling but also missing her terribly.

Pumping at work was not quite pleasant - felt very self conscious even though I had my own room. I couldn't have any letdown so it was so tedious trying to clear my breasts. Didn't have much - about 150ml , 50ml short of my usual pump. Anyway, I wasn't too worried since I had cart the entire frozen stock over to my mum's place so my girl will have enough BM for now.

At the end of the day, my hubby made the effort to knock off on time so we "zoomed" home to find my girl crying. So we went to wash our hands and as usual, she coo-ed to her father and fell asleep in his arms. I took over from him after I had finished my dinner and she opened her eyes a little and then dozed off. Then she opened her eyes again, this time wide open and she saw that it wasn't her daddy, she wailed loudly! So ended up my hubby carried her while eating his dinner. Later my maid carried her and she was awake - I held her hand and she made a very angry noise and pulled her hand away! *sigh* She didn't want me near her, and same thing happened when we reach home. So I just pumped and went to bed early.

Next morning, I woke up and baby was awake already. So I went to sayang her and again she refused to let me touch her! I was so upset but I had to pump, so I left her with the maid. While pumping in my room, I wept because I was so upset by her rejection. Then my hubby entered with her asleep in his arms, asking if I wanted to nurse since she may be hungry. I complained and said she is bullying me - you know what this little baby did? SHE SMILED IN HER SLEEP! *argh* I can't believe it!

Anyway, I did try to nurse her and she allowed me to, without any fuss. In fact, she even fell asleep on my breast, so I eased her in between my legs (she was sleeping on my pillow) with her head resting on top of my knee. I had to continue pumping since she fed briefly on that breast before falling asleep. Halfway through, she moved and wriggled her way towards my tummy so that her head is facing my tummy and her body closer to my tummy. After all she put me through, she makes up to me by snuggling up to me. Ya, I am willing to be "ill-treated" by her anytime, as long as she makes it up to me.

This morning? She was so smiley to me and was willing to let me carry her without any protest, even falling asleep without fussing. I almost couldn't bear to go to work ... When I returned from work this afternoon, she woke up to welcome me home! She smiled and coo-ed a little to me (not as much as she does to her daddy though!) and snuggled in my arms and fell asleep again.

*sigh* ...

Till tomorrow comes ...

I'll start work tomorrow and today was spent ferrying things to my mum's house and trying to figure out what else we need to bring over.

My girl is still unused to the place but she's doing ok. We've managed to cart the frozen BM over, as well as most of the things she need to use. I've tried ordering the diapers for delivery for somehow they are uncontactable today. I guess I'll just have to try again tomorrow.

I've yet to finish packing my wardrobe, things I can still fit in to wear to work. I also need to make sure I have all my pump equipment packed to go, which means I'm dependent on my Avent tonight and for the first pump tomorrow, and thereafter until it's the weekend :P I'm bring my Ameda pumps and leaving it at my workplace.

Feeling very apprehensive ... not sure if I can cope at work since I'm handling a new portfolio, or if my pumping is disruptive. I can only hope for the best ....

Pavlov's conditioning

Went to my mum's house today for lunch and upon arrival, it's my girl's feeding time.

 

So I helped to make the bottle of FM and when I turned around to pass to my maid, my girl started smiling happily as she focused on the bottle. She even licked her lips!!!!!! She sure knows where her milk is coming from!

 

Maybe I should just video this as an exercise of the classic Pavlov's conditioning!

Mornings should be made of these ...

Note: Emotional motherly stuff again

Yesterday morning I woke up and went to get my pump gear from the kitchen. At the same time, the maid was going to the fridge to get a bottle of milk for my girl. So she asked if I wanted to breastfeed. Baby had last taken her milk about 4 hours ago and so I hesitated. I didn't want her to cry blue murder at my breast if the milk wasn't coming out fast enough. Anyway I took up the challenge and carried her into my room - notified the hubby so that he would be on hand to help me to burp baby.

So we started feeding - she was still sleepy but she licked a little before proceeding to latch on. She would start and stop, and in the intervals lick a bit again before latching on. She had enough from one side after she start crying a little and doing the merlion act. The hubby carried her a little and burped her while I adjust to switch her to the other breast. She latched on quickly this time and after a few minutes, fell asleep with her mouth opened. I raised her head up a bit so it would be easier for her to burp and I continued to watch her sleeping. After a while I got pretty tired too, so I gingerly eased myself lower and adjusting for her to be sleeping on my lap. I held her hand so I would know when she moves and we both napped together. She was asleep for 1.5 hours on my lap! I guess the position was very comfortable and comforting to her - she was sleeping on her side and her body was sort of wrapped around mine.

I am not sure how to describe the feeling I had while watching her, but it's a really nice one. Nay, I didn't cry - but I did think if every morning could start like this, it would be so nice... so utterly blissful ...

New photos of Vanessa

Probably the last batch I'm "free" to update and upload for some time ... I'm returning to work on Tuesday and I'm printing her pictures to bring to office so I can see her sweet sweet smile in front of me. But most of all, I'll miss her sweet sweet smell ...

My girl learns how to play!

... with the toys hanging from the bouncer bar!

Today we were busy packing up and cleaning out the kitchen and my girl wanted some attention. So I put her on the bouncer and took her hand to hit the toy with the rattler. She looks rather amused but just continued to stared at me. I guess she wanted me to play with her so I played with her a little while and then left her in the bouncer while we cleaned the kitchen (keeping a watchful eye on her). After 10 minutes later, she got bored and cried for attention, so we coo-ed and patted her to sleep.

Later on, after she had her milk, she didn't want to sleep - but we haven't had lunch and were hungry (it was close to 3pm). So the maid put on the bouncer and left the "car seat motion simulator" on (which basically just the bouncer vibrating like a very gentle massage chair). So we were tucking into our lunch (instant noodles) and my maid said, "Look! She's playing with the toy!" True enough, she was using her hand to hit the toy (the one I was playing with earlier). I was so elated - but sad at the same time. My girl is learning things so quickly, and she's doing so many things for the first time on her own. Once I start working again, I'll miss so many of these little "first"s.

I know it's no big deal to some - for me, it is. Every time she does something new and I don't get to share it with her, I feel an stab of envy and regret, "Why wasn't I there to witness it?" She's was no piece of cake (conceiving her and carrying her in my womb to birth), so I treasure every surprises she has in store for me.

She has shown me that I have patience I never knew I had, and for that, my 2 dogs should be very thankful to her.

My princess is now 2 months old!

How times flies. She's now 2 months old, can smile, can laugh, can frown, and pout too!

She's also learning how to bully her dad, as well to manja him by making "I'm so poor thing" mini cries when he's carrying her in the evening.

When the sun sets ...

and Vanessa can tell that her day is coming close to an end. So she fusses because it's no more playtime!

At laest I believe so... I remember that my nephew used to fuss at 7pm, because that's when his mum returns home and he knows it's that time of the day by 1) setting of the sun = the sky is turning dark 2) the theme song from the HK drama "Kinship" ...

So is it the same for Vanessa? I think so ...

Do you know she can laugh already? Sometimes I am so jealous of my maid, when my girl smiles and laughs with her ... but in a way, it makes returning to work easier. I do hope she will miss me (or at least snuggling up to my chest) but not so much that she will wail the house down. I don't think she knows who is her mummy, but I do hope she can recognise me soon ... I'm trying to use the sign language to indicate "Mummy" and "Milk" - so I hope it's something she can learn to communicate.

Today she indicate she wanted more BM by pulling at my breast when I thought she was done already. She put her fist on my breast and tried to push towards her 3 times! I was quite impressed - I suppose all babies can do that but it's the first time I realise she is really growing VERY fast and learning a lot of things too *sigh* and I'll be starting work soon =(

Today is the day ... Baby bathtime!

No, not that my girl never had a bath before, just that today is the very first time I bathe her myself! Of course with guidance from the maid - all that bathing lessons from the pre-natal and after birth lessons simply cannot be recalled once I'm holding the baby in my hands and with her staring at me with her eyes wide open.


When I started undressing her, she started smiling - she does really enjoy her bathtime! I also cleaned her since she had pooped and then wrapped her in her bathing cloth.


She did protest a bit intially, when I was washing her face. She's probably saying,"Hurry up! I wana get into the water NOW!!!". Her protest grew louder when I was washing her hair and she promptly smiled when she was put into the water. I couldn't quite support her with my left hand while trying to wash her with the washcloth. So I switched sides since the FP bathtub I bought had a feature to help better support infants *phew* After that, it was a breeze!


It wasn't as difficult as I thought, but she's getting bigger and heavier, making it slightly hard to hold her and wrap her with the towel after I'm done.


Anyway, this is her after her bathtime. She does look very pleased and I'm very happy she enjoyed her bathtime with me!

If you are wondering which bathtub we bought, this is the one:

http://www.fisher-price.com/fp.aspx?st=2011&e=detail&selcat=bgpty&pid=35265

The agony of blocked ducts

It's the same one I had yesterday, which my girl kindly cleared for me this morning by latching on and patiently sucking for 19 minutes. Then the next round, it's blocked again! No matter how many rounds of pumping, hot towel massage, cold compress and latching on, it simply refused to go away and simply grew bigger, sorer and harder like a very angry pimple on a very oily face.

So I took my syringe and started to clear the nipple area, and then - my syringe broke!!!! I had to bear with the agony for another few hours, waiting for the hubby to return so we could go and buy a new syringe from the pharmacy. So we had our dinner, and I decided to have a quick pump first. I managed only to clear half of the lump, but still, it simply refuses to go away, despite my pleading and my massaging. The hubby reminded me that I should still have 1 spare syringe and he was right! He fetched it for me and I started the clearing and tested with a quick pump. Nope, so back to a second round of clearing and suddenly a stream just shot out! I quickly grab my pump and starting pumping again, and that lump was cleared within 2 minutes. What a sweet relief! Not to mention, that lump alone was containing 40ml of milk out of the 100ml I expressed during the session. I am NOT kidding.

I had just changed my bed sheet today, but it's worth it having my breast milk sprayed all over it as long as that duct is cleared! *phew*

psst: the syringe is without the needle, just the tube and the plug.

Outdated Mummy

Geez, I'm so outdated with so many things, for example, I didn't even know that Flickr is with Yahoo! now ... and I didn't even know how to use the tags/ photo URLs anymore. So ... I cheated :P

The other things I'm outdated on? Baby learning tools - I didn't even know how to search for baby flash cards! Anyway thanks to my sister, I've downloaded some and printed them. Now to buy a laminating machine in case my girl decides to chew on the card instead.

Went back to the office yesterday and I was shocked to see the reception area gone. Yup, they are doing renovations to the place and it has moved to another floor. Thank goodness my office still remains the same (that is, the mess) so that's some comfort in the familiarity.

My girl was generally docile for the first 20 minutes or so (she was sleeping) until she decided to show her girl power (no give face to mummy dearest) and decide to wail my office down *sigh* Tried patting, walking, nursing and to no avail. My colleagues helped and took over her for a little, she quieten down for 10 minutes then she started again. Found out in the end, her diapers were dirty and she wanted a change. So my sister helped and when she was finishing, Vanessa decided to sneeze and *poot* some stuff shot out and didn't quite land accurately within the diaper area ... you can imagine ;P anyway barely 20 minutes later she started crying again - this time, she just wanted to fart! So after that, she was all nice, sweet and calm. Took a ride home from my colleague and she went to sleep quietly. I'm not going out with her alone EVER again - not in the near future at least!

Suddenly, I feel so out of touch from the world out there ... but really, not that I mind. My girl is providing me with enough entertainment and stress every single day to keep me on my toes!

Funny Shots - Photo 1

I'm going to start a series of her funny poses, so look out for them!

Today's picture is ...

First Month Celebrations Cakes

The first month celebrations was well ... I survived with my breast inflamation. Other than that, the only thing worth mentioning really was the cakes we got.

The ones we got for the family members were ordered from http://www.sweetestmoments.com.sg/. The pricing was reasonable, the packaging was "Oh so cute!" and the stuff in it, YUMMILICIOUS! I know because we devoured the items from one of the boxes (and I kept the box as a keepsake!)

For our friends who came for the celebrations, we gave them cupcakes that we ordered from http://www.cupcake-momma.net/. I had a hard time choosing the designs! They were so pretty, petite, and delicious! *slurp*

So if you are planning for your baby's first month celebrations, do consider ordering from above. This is not some paid advert, but rather comments from a very satisfied customer!

Tiny Weeny Hand

Babies' tiny hands never fail to amaze me ... so little, fragile and delicate and yet it has the strength of an adult when it comes to holding your finger.

So I've taken this to showcase one of the most fascinating aspects of my girl!

New pictures of Vanessa

Just got around to download the files from my camera and did some editing with Photoshop and Picasa =)

Here's my little princess (and also co-starring her pacifier!) ...

The Countdown Starts ...

Countdown to the day I start work has begun. Although I haven't quite decided to start work on June 5 or June 12, but it marks the pending end of my maternity leave anyway.

I know some mummies are eager to go back to work, but I'm not. She has grown quite a bit since birth and she's making all these funny faces and noises now. This morning, she was very smiley too. Besides, her cranky mood starts only at 6pm onwards and it will last till 10pm or so, if we are unable to pacify her in time.

What would I miss? Her smell, her smile, her funny "sign languages" and her angry "HMPH" when she gets awaken from her sleep for whatever reason (her own sneezing or Phoebe's sneezing), or even when the Hubby calls her a naughty girl. She latched on earlier and fell asleep in my laps, and continued sleeping even though I was using the noiser pump to express. I think this is something I would really miss most for mornings.

Anyway, I've started preparing for the D-Day, and I've bagged my 3 bag of BM in the freezer. It's a slow and painsaking process, since I cannot produce enough in a day to bag the excess, and I would have to have enough in the fridge (at least 5 bottles) for her daily feeds, before I take a gamble and store the milk from my pump sessions.

Ok, time to smell her again... I'm missing her scent already.

Drama Mama week

It has been another crazy week - 3 of my loved ones got into some health/ physical problems over the week, and I celebrated my birthday with a sweet, sweet cuddle from my baby.

My sister dozed off at the wheel while driving into her office car park. She drove into a tree, but luckily she wasn't hurt badly. She just had a very nasty shock and was still very angry at herself. It's probably due to the lack of sleep, but still, I worry for her. How long more can she last since she is only having a few hours of sleep each day?

Then her baby had difficulty in breathing a night later. Emily probably choked on her phlegm or reflux and they had to call for an ambulance. Emily only managed to break into a cry after the paramedics arrived, but still she had to be warded for observations. More things to worry for her family, I just hope Emily is doing better.

My ma-jie, blacked out at home the day after, and luckily, BEFORE the other family members went out. So they spend the day shuttling her to the doctors and X-ray, and I hope they were not grumbling about having to miss their shopping trip for that day.

Then for my birthday, the hubby made up for the boo boo on Mother's Day. He sent me flowers (a very nice touch) and left me a card on my keyboard. The card was very sweet, it's signed from Vanessa (using his left hand to write) and it's definitely a keeper. It will go into my girl's keepsake box. The hubby also brought me out for dinner, one of my favourite cuisine, Turkish food! Although not my favourite restaurant, but the food was quite good and they had different dishes from the usual haunt. Then we had yummy ice cream at Haagen Daaz *yum* and we promptly came home since I had to pump.

Then while I was finishing up my pump session, the girl was very irritable and was crying in short spurts. So I gave her my breast as a pacifier (she spit out her NUK pacificer earlier) and she latched on for a short while. Then she realised she wasn't hungry and detached herself while staring at me with her big eyes. So I gently rocked her on my laps and got the hubby to switch off the living room lights. She continued to stare at me for the next 10 minutes then promptly *ZzZZzz* 5 minutes later her arm was limp and I put her to bed and she continued to sleep for the next 2 hours. It's an accomplishment for me, and I think it was a really sweet present from her, re-affirming my abilities as a mother.

It has been a week of bad and good news, and I hope the weeks to come will only be of good news.

Baby at 6 weeks old ...

Vanessa went for her 6-in-1 jab on Wednesday and she was quite good - she didn't really cry much except to show her unhappiness at the cold alcohol swab. She also basically did some tricks to make the PD laugh, for example, faking a loud sneeze. She sneezed once, then went "AHHHHHHHHHHHH ... *mm* *zzz*".

We were also commenting on having 2 twirls on her head, which my PD said 2 out of his 4 kids (*gasp*) had them, and yes, they were the naughtier than the remaining 2.

She has gained 6.5cm in length since birth, but she looks she has gained a lot more length than she looks though =) Anyway she's gained some weight and length, she's now 5.06kg and 54.5cm long.

The poor girl developed a fever (38.0C) in the wee hours of Thursday morning, so we gave her 1ml of the medicine which she promptly spat out 1/2ml *sigh* Anyway, she did recovered pretty fast, although her appetite is affected. She's taking only 60ml per feed, not the usual 80ml. I will need to monitor her further to make sure she's OK.

Cutesy baby ...

It's one of those mother things, but bear with me, I did have a horrible time last week.

1) I've started playing classical music, the relaxing sort, to calm her down or to lull her to sleep. So far so good, it doesn't always work but it does work 70% of the time. The cutesy baby thing happened when I played the CD for the first time (Bedroom Adagios) - she was lying on her bouncer chair and when the music started playing, she did her mad conductor impression. Actually she was quite good! She was in sync with the music and waved them appropriately. Nevertheless, I enjoyed watching her doing that - it really made my day!

2) The other day I was carrying her, she was waving her arms around and she accidentally hit herself on the nose and her eye. She peered at me with one open eye while the other eye remained closed. I asked "Wah, you hit yourself for what? Pain or not?" In response, she raised her hand towards me, with her thumb and first index finger pressed together, the sign we used to indicate "a little bit". I couldn't help but laughed out loud.

3) We were discussing how to cook the fish for dinner and this girl, poked her index finger into her cheek! The maid and I had a good laugh about it.

4) I went to spend my Swarovski vouchers and I was pondering which piece to get - too many that I want to add to my collection! And this girl, did her best James Bond impression.

It's almost like she's making up for what she did to me during that horrible week *smile*

What a week ... final instalment

Saturday night - had a major lump in my right breast. Tried pumping and it didn't come out so I left it be. 3am another pumping session, so I tried using hot towel compress/ massage and still it couldn't come out. I broke down and after the following brief tantrum at the hubby, he went to get fresh supply of hot water and he helped me to do the breast massage. It was difficult for myself to do it because of the angle - the lump was located at the bottom on my right breast (exact mirror image of the left breast lump - so imagine my panicky thoughts that it might start another episode of infection). The thing is - IT WORKED!!!! So my hubby sat there and watched me pump it out - in case I have another meltdown again, and it was ok.

Sunday - had lumps on my upper left breast, but nothing a REALLY hot towel compress couldn't take care of. Actually at this stage, I'm already so immune to it. The problem was, baby was cranky, she rejected my breasts twice, didn't want me to carry and was wailing her lungs out - hubby carried and she promptly fell asleep. Later, the same thing, but I passed to the maid instead. I was so depressed, so extremely DEPRESSED. Of course, I had another meltdown and I started crying again *sigh*

Monday - didn't really carry baby much today - was pumping milk, cooking meals, clearing up the bedrooms and running errands. Then during dinner time, she wanted a feed but I only had 60ml in the bottle. So I BF instead and she took to it without much fuss. She fell asleep so I handed over to the hubby who had finished his dinner. She again of course did the merlion act, but the thing that had me laughing out loud was when I was trying to finish my dinner, my hubby came over to show me that the baby was still hungry. To illustrate, he used his knuckle to tease her mouth and she sucked at it HARD - just imagine like a very loud kiss. So I BF again, but this time on the other breast and she fell asleep after 10 minutes. She was so soundly asleep that I didn't dare to move her and I let her sleep on my lap for about 1 hour before I had to go to pee.

It had been a horrible week, but the ending was sweet. Somehow, it just makes it all worth while.

what a week ... and saturday continues ...

Saturday evening - discovered the second valve for my Ameda pump is also cracked. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Went to take down the backup, my Avent Isis Uno which I thankfully did not sell away. Just hope it works! *shake head*

What a week ... (cont'd)

Friday night - we discovered to our horror, when trying to print our girl's chinese name, her actual characters mean "a reflection of (a chemical compound)". I just want to scream my head off. I was so FREAKING PISSED!!!!!! The stupid &*$^%)@(&%@(*&#^ centre!

What's wrong with the given name?
1) the character 映 is pronounced is ying4, not ying3. They wrote it down as ying3. We discovered it because we were searching for it and nothing came as as ying3. So we inserted the character and it popped up as ying4. The dictionary does not list this character as having 2 variations, so it cannot be pronounced as ying3 or ying4. It has to be ying4.

2) The character 蒽 does not = to 恩. It is in fact a name of a chemical compound! And I distinctively remembered the lady at the centre saying, "see got 恩 in the name, as requested". I certainly didn't asked for my girl to be named as a reflection of any chemical compound!

Went to bed, really super super duper duper low morale - what kind of name have I given my daughter! And what's more, with our lousy chinese knowledge, how are we going to replace the name with the same sound but better meaning? The 恩 can remain, but the ying how? The only ying3 we can find is 影 which means shadow, not very particularly meaningful here either. *sigh*

Saturday - got up early to pump milk at 5, by the time I ended it, it was 7 plus. Why? Apparently one of the valve for the pump broke, and so it couldn't work. I was so frustrated I couldn't have any letdown and so the milk flow was VERY VERY VERY slow. Amount was decent though, slightly over 100ml. Went to look after the baby after that so the maid could do her other chores as well. After a while, I got the hubby to get up so I could take a rest. In the end, I made a call to my sister in USA to tell her about my week, and asking how she's coping since she'll be returning to work this coming week. I also complained to her about the name, and she went to fetch her chinese dictionary and so we were discussing about the names and options. My sister found the perfect ying3 for us, among the few choices we had, and so we picked that. I'm not going to count the number of strokes or ask any shifu to look at the name. I had enough of such crap. Her new name stays, and that's it. The parking situation at the ICA is a different matter - but eventually I got my parking lot, although I sweared a little at this "tai tai". So what if she's driving a BMW, her car is SO DIRTY. *hmph* Anyway, the other good news for the day is that the sore spot is less painful and not so swollen anymore. Thank God for small mercies. Note to self: Trust in God.

What a week ...

It's been nothing but stress, stress, stress and more stress.

Monday - the full month cakes arrived and I delivered some out. So basically travelled from the west to Serangoon then to Yio Chu Kang with a lunch break at Thomson Plaza, then to tiong bahru, back to the west and home sweet home. I was feeling a bit woozy and decided to rest. Then I figured it doesn't feel too right, and I also had a achy spot on my left breast. Turned out I had a mild fever which we attributed to the long journey today (I drove) and I went to bed late because I simply couldn't sleep.

Tuesday - the achy spot got bigger and more painful. I got a bit alarmed by the lumps in my breasts on both sides and that I wasn't experiencing any letdown at all. Pumping wasn't helping so I let baby latched on 3 times but the lumps didn't go away. Nothing much I could do anyway since we were doing Vanessa's full month celebrations that night. We still had to prepare the place and entertain some visitors who had to come early since they weren't able to make it later. The celebrations itself? It's another story to drive my BP up, but nevermind, it's OVER already. Thank goodness. After the celebrations, pumped milk, went to bed.

Wednesday - fever shot up to 39.5. Took panadol and didn't work. Tried called LCs for help, one said, "Please make an appointment for tomorrow morning, we are closing soon." The other, no response at all. In the end, we went to a GP who gave me antibotics. He said it's Mastitis and I'm like so super duper low morale. I also rang up Rose who came over to my place in the middle of the night and to help me to massage out the lumps in both breasts. She said the more stress I am, the less likely I am going to get rid of the lumps. So to rest more, drink more water and don't worry too much ... but how not too ... when ...

Thursday - my confinement nanny is leaving this morning, she left at 930am. I cried because I felt so helpless and clueless. Anyway I am still not helping much around the house, as I am still recuperating from the fever. Good news though, it's down to mid to low 37. The maid seems to be doing fine with the baby. Baby seems to be doing fine with the formula milk.

Friday (today) - second day with out the confinement nanny. I'm feeling better, so I could breastfeed baby, just that my left nipple is getting SORE. Right breast is doing ok. I just hope my left breast gets better soon - it's still quite red, sore and SWOLLEN.

I'm just tired - baby won't let me pat her to sleep though, so now it's my hubby and the maid who's doing the burping and the patting to sleep.

APGAR score

Vanessa scored 9 out of 10 in the APGAR test - actually we have no idea what the APGAR is all about.

Anyway today I was flipping through the book, ' What to Expect - the first year' and I saw the APGAR score table. So I showed to the hubby since I remember he asking about APGAR.

He asked what did baby score and I replied '9'.

His next question? "So which part did baby not get full marks for?"

I think I'll volunteer to deal with Vanessa's schoolwork when she gets older.

Journey of the Twin Peaks

It's been almost 4 weeks since I gave birth to Vanessa, and almost 4 weeks of breastfeeding and pumping.

Now that my supply is somewhat established, and I don't face a major problem having her latching on to my breasts, I feel that I have achieved a major milestone.

I don't look back at the first 2 weeks very fondly - since they were marked mostly with pain, sore nipples and having to deal with not just emotional and physical stress, but also battling with the need to balance for personal time and having to please family members.

I'm glad that my baby were of the "normal" weight/ size, hence I had that 3 day headstart for breastfeeding. I'm also glad that while she's not a very strong sucker, she latches on well enough for me to feel confident about breastfeeding her.

I do remember very vividly, the first few days in the hospital, when I tried TBF (total breastfeeding) - how much the hubby helped me, how Vanessa didn't stress me by not wailing her lungs out (in fact we were wondering if she's hungry since everytime she's wheeled into the room, she was happily sleeping!), and by the stroke of luck, we decided to stay one extra day since her jaundice level was still a bit high, and hence I had help on hand when I suffered the breasts engorgement.

Then the problem of having sufficient milk supply to feed the baby presented itself. I had already started pumping in the hospital after I bf, and the amounts were mearge. I could try pumping for 30 minutes, and all I could extract were a mere 5ml. At times when I could express 10ml to 20ml, the sense of accomplishment were immediately shot down since that particular nurse said "So little only, where got enough, she need at least 30ml!". So much for their PRO BF stand.

When I got home, again I was given the pressure to feed baby formula milk, since my amount were minute still. I have to express 3 times after bf to get a 40ml feed, and I was so tired from bf, pumping and then bf again. In the end, we did get a tin of formula milk, but I take pride in that we only gave her 1 feed of formula milk and the rest from my milk supply for her daily needs.

I guess it helped that I am so stubborn. The more they insist that baby doesn't have enough and that I can't produce enough milk, the MORE I want to prove them wrong. Of course, it also lead to other pains, like engorgement due to the prolonged pumping, blocked ducts since I was bent on producing enough milk by pumping and not latching on enough, but I would say, I think I'm working my way around the obstacles pretty ok. Not excellent, but I would give myself a pass grade. I may need to sacrifice my beauty sleep and some, but I have achieved sufficient milk supply for my girl currently.

I do not know if I will have enough in a month's time, or even tomorrow - but if I don't have enough, it's ok. There's always formula milk as a backup, and I can always to attain enough milk supply another day, somewhere down the road.

Of course there are always the overachievers, 300ml in 15 ml flat and only having given birth 2 weeks ago. There are also the underachievers, because they believed not in themselves, but others who told them they didn't have enough milk.

If you had asked me if I am going to plan for no. 2, in the first 2 weeks, I had flatly said NO. If motherhood is a natural thing, then why is it so hard to breastfeed our baby, when it is the most "natural" thing in motherhood?

If you ask me now, I may consider a no. 2 later on. Breastfeeding a child is not easy, but it can be done.

Oh, and my daily milk production is now + or - 40ml from 900ml ;P depending if I let baby latch on (I don't add those into my total) and whether I follow my pumping schedule strictly. And all done in a third of the time I used to express that 700/ 800ml of milk.

Thought of the day

I've been musing quite a fair bit, especially during pumping, since my hands are pretty occupied.

Then my mind wandered to this "recall" of a conversation with one of my gfs, who's married and not planning to have a kid yet. She was telling me about being reluctant to meet this other group of "babies crazy" mothers, since they will keep telling her how great it is to have kids and she MUST have kids NOW.

My thoughts on that? It's the same as facing relatives every CNY - "When are you getting married?" "How come you don't have a boyfriend yet?" "Oh your face has so much acne!" "When are you going to have a kid?". If you didn't like it yourself, please don't do it to others. If you have forgotten about how irritating it is, please remember that other people have OTHER priorities in life.

Since now I have my own child, how does the above apply?

A marriage is a contract between 2 persons, like it or not. For better or worse, the couple is suppose to stick through thick and thin, because of LOVE. If it doesn't work out for some reason, there's always the easy way out, which is just to walk out on the marriage.

Having a child, it is a totally different ballgame. You cannot just walk away from it. Even your body will react to having a child, like producing breast milk (for ladies that is).

If the baby cries, I cannot just walk away like in an argument with my hubby.

If the baby is hungry, I cannot say "Just wait a while, let me finish this TV programme first" or "Make yourself a milo first".

If the baby's diaper is wet or dirty, I cannot tell the baby to clean up after herself.

If the baby is tired and sleepy, I cannot just ask the baby to go to bed and tuck herself in.

If the baby is sick or feeling unwell, I cannot just remind the baby to see the doctor - I'll have to make an appointment with the PD and carry her in my arms till the PD is available to see us.

Having a child is the ultimate committment - not just physically, it's also mentally, emotionally and financially. I cannot just walk away from her and let her take care of herself.

Having a child is not for everyone - unless they are prepared for the worst roller coaster ride in the entire life.

Every cry, I'll jump, because I'm not sure what's wrong with her. I can deal if she's hungry or diaper's dirty, but not if all the above is checked and it's not the cause of her crying. Everything she throws up her milk, my heart aches, because I wonder if she's feeling unwell (although everyone says it's normal). She cannot vocalise her discomfort, although the confinement nanny says we can tell from her facial expressions and cries - it makes me wonder if I am really up to the job of being a mother.

But ...

every smile makes my heart melt,
every time she grasp my fingers I feel loved,
every time she latches on I feel comforted (despite the occasional yelps of pain),
every time I see her little fingers and toes I feel so fascinated ... and so much more ...

Only have a child because you and your partner wants to. It's not a toy, you cannot return or exchange it, and you are liable for it for life. Stop asking "When are you going to have a child?" or "Why don't you want to have a child?" End of it, it's not your own child - it's the couple's private decision. Each to their own, and in their own time.

A visit to the PD

Today brought baby down for a visit to the PD - was worried about her increasing regurgitation of milk and the occasional "phlegmy" stuff coming out with the milk.

The PD (Dr Tan) explained the difference between vomitting and regurgitation and what I need to look out for. Overall, he was very satisfied with her progress and the weight gain (apparently she gained 800g since she was discharged). About cutting the feeds to 80ml, he said it was correct, since she wasn't able to hold 100ml down.

So, I felt pretty happy and relieved, although she did do a "merlion" on me after her second bf session *sigh*

Drop by Drop ...

The bad thing about using twin pumps? I can't do much except to watch the drops of milk filling up the container.

With a single pump, I could 1) read a book/ magazine 2) play games on my handphone 3) SMS or call using my handphone 4) well whatever I can do with 1 free hand

The good thing? It's over in 15 minutes flat for both sides, especially when I'm tired and I just want to get it over and done with.

Baby latched on pretty well today for her 6pm feed, although *hmph* she was interested in playing rather than drinking. At least she didn't puke all over me today, and she was hungry within 1 hour again. Anyway, gave her a 40ml feed instead since I don't want her to puke later on. For reassurance, I got the confinement lady sitting next to me when I was breastfeeding, in case I couldn't handle her. It worked, since the confinement lady helped me to burp her in between nursing, and I wasn't so stressed.

HOWEVER, the thing that will be stressful is that the confinement lady will be gone in a week's time. Not sure if the maid and I can handle her, I'm sure I'll probably end up crying everyday. Alternatively, execute the backup plan, but we will need to see how it goes ...

Ameda Twin Pumps

They arrived this morning at 11:00am, in time for my 11:45am pump! Got it out, washed and steamed in the sterilizer, then brought into the room to do the setup and then got it to start pumping.

My verdict? It makes 1/3 the noise of the Avent isis uno electric pump, does the job in half the time and I didn't have to do too much work of massaging the breasts. It's well worth my $320 investment!

Now, just waiting for my milk production to really start revving up it's engine - oops, here I go obsessing about the volume again. Well, I just bough 25 milk storage freezer bags ;P I can't let them just lie around unused right?

Update on milk production for 23 april 2007

Ok I admit it, I'm obsessed. Even my confinement lady thinks so. She keeps trying to tell me it's ok to give formula milk but I think it's because baby is asking for a feed every 2 hours or so ;P

Anyway so far so good, seems to be on track. I pumped another 110ml after the massage so I'm happy that my production is on schedule. I'm even happier that my breasts doesn't have rocks in them.

Still waiting for my Ameda pumps though ...

To date:
6.30am - 200ml
10.30am - 110ml
1.15pm - 110ml
3.30pm - 80ml
6.00pm - breastfed, and she threw up over 20ml of milk! She realised eventually it wasn't the bottle, so she had to stop drinking on her own.
7.00pm - pumped 40ml out
10.00pm - 70ml (can feel some lumps in the right breast again *sigh*)
12 midnight - 70ml

Total for the day, including estimated 80ml for her 6pm feed, that's 760ml.

Not as great as 2 days before, where the total volume is 830ml, but it's ok. As long as I have enough to give to baby.

It's quite depressing to hear when people talking about pumping 300ml in 15 mins time - I can barely pump 100ml! But, I guess everyone has different production capabilities =(

Lesser of the 2 evils

Good news: My morning production went back to 200ml

Bad news: I'm way over pumping my breasts, that it's being overworked, leading to engorgement. It's hot, and the lumps are there and refused to move.

Solution? Pump every 2 hours, max 15 minutes each side. *sigh*

Other good news, MY AMEDA PUMPS ARE COMING TODAY! *phew* Let's hope it all works out for me.

Planning to let baby to latch on later tonight. I don't like feeding in the day cuz it's way too hot :P

Ok, going to play with baby for a little while then I'll pump. I had my breasts massaged this morning by Rose and it's so darn painful that I almost cried. But compared to the engorgement pain, this is a small price to pay. Hope my breasts doesn't get engorged anymore!

Milk production on the decline

Stress affects the production I guess ...

1) I had a blocked duct so I was in pain, I couldn't drain this big blob of milk - stress! In the end I had to play with baby (she refused to nurse since she just had her feed of 100ml then), then when I was relaxed enough, I tried again to pump. It worked! This teeny weeny stream shot out continuously for 1 minute or so, bringing relief

2) This morning, the milk production was down by half. I supposed I'm too stressed by trying to maintain a certain standard of volume - so I'm trying to take it easy. So much for the plans to freeze the excess EBM *sigh*

3) I'm still having blocked ducts problems or let down issues, so I've decided once and for all, to get the Ameda twin pumps - hopefully the imitation of baby suckling will help with the let down, and hence I would not have to deal with all the milk backed up somewhere (dammed would probably be the next best description), causing the pain.

Ok, time to take my fluids and back to bed. I'm way too far far behind my milk schedule today.

baby feeds ...

We cut her feed back to 80ml, I realised she's not taking very well to 100ml. She's reverting to 2 to 2.5 hour feeds becaused she throws up the excess.

The confinement lady and the maid concurred it was because she is not given enough formula milk. I had to control my temper and explain to the confinement lady 1) formula milk is harder to digest than breastmilk, so if she cannot even digest this, giving her 100ml of formula milk is not going to work 2) she's throwing up the excess probably because it is really too much for her?!!?!?

So we cut back 1 feed to 60ml to rest her little tummy, and we increased back to 80ml for the rest. So far she seems to be doing ok although she's reverting back to 2 hour feed. It's ok as long as she feed good (dones't feel the urge to hurl or any discomfort). It may also mean I have extra BM to freeze? I hope so!

Obligations ...

One thing I dislike about is having "well meaning" visitors that wants to comes to my place to visit. They will setup a time with my mother and then my mother will just announce.

So when I get frustrated, they say "Oh, it's not nice to turn them down since they come with well meaning, and they say they hadn't seen you in a long time". My grandaunt, ok, never mind, because she's such an old lady, so I won't mind giving in to her.

On the other hand, this other person, after the huge fuss I kicked up the last time, my mother again gave me the above reasons. I said no and I refused to entertain this "family friend". She hadn't seen me in years, so what difference does it make anyway? My mother called for back up and got someone to call me, and this time, basically I yelled down the phone. I don't mind if they want to come another time, or call first to check with me. I dislike it when they arrange it, I said no, and they try to change my mind by saying not nice. My retort? I never agreed for that person to visit in the first place. Besides, how on earth am I suppose to rest if they say come at 2pm, and often reach at 3pm, and if I had to pump milk, they won't be happy since I'm not outside to entertain them. It's a no-win situation, and I might as well just put a stop to it since they just add to my stress and BP. It's like giving an inch, and they want a foot. I have limited my family visits to just weekends and my mother's to alternate days - I cannot cope with the constant well-meaning "intrusions" since I need to start dealing with motherhood and grapple it well before my confinement lady returns home and I return to work.

Perhaps my temper is getting worse, but it doesn't help if they cannot respect my rights as a mother and my home as my place. Call me stubborn too, if you want, but I'm tired and all I want is a little peace in my own home.

Little miracles ...

One of the little miracles I count for the day is that she's still willing to latch on!

My hubby, the confinement lady and the maid were out to the market today and I watched the clock keenly. Since baby has reverted back to 80ml, her feeding times is cut to 2 hours interval.

Right on dot, my mother had to call at the time, she woke up, wailed and I had to picked her up, answer the call, and to reply I'll call back later (she will call at least 3 to 4 times unless someone picks up the phone - sometimes she doesn't get the idea that other people can be busy doing things). Baby fussed a little but started to cry louder so I tried breastfeeding and she latched on not quite immediately, but after a moment or two of hesitation. Well, it's still painful, since my areolas are still pretty sore from the contant pumping, and she chomps on quite hard.

How much did she take? I'm not sure, my guess is 30ml to 40ml, since she fell asleep promptly at the breast and didn't even given me a chance to switch sides. She started fussing about 1 hour later, but the rest were back, so the confinement lady gave her the bottle.

My 2 dogs also came home, and they are contented to lie at my feet. Rascal is a bit smarter, he waits till I've finished feeding and burping the baby, and while carrying the baby in one arm, he comes forward with his sad looking eyes - so he got his "sayanging". Phoebe the more impatient one, gave up and just slumped at my feet. They are now both sleeping under the computer table, after a restless night (they have to sleep in the kitchen now, but still on their beloved beds). Of course they are upset that they don't get to sleep on or under my bed, or even on the sofa, but we just have to make little adjustments until baby's a bigger and we are sure how the doggies will react to her. I just hope Phoebe will stop chewing on my wooden cabinets, stools, door frames and skirtings *sigh*

The Inhouse Cow

I've been breaking my personal records - of some sorts ...

Every morning, I mentally challenge myself - how much can I pump out? Well, this morning a new record was set - 240ml (I beat yesterday's record of 220ml).

Last night, I also set another new record - highest total volume of milk pumped for the day is now standing at 800ml (the previous record was 750ml).

Proud? Not really, since I'm more frantic about producing enough milk for her. I've checked her total consumption yesterday - 1000ml! Her per feed is now 100ml, and she's been wanting to drink every 2 to 4 hours. It helps slightly that we supplement with 1 formula feed per night, but that's all the help I'm willing to accept now. So pump I must, milk I have to produce ;P

Just hope that I have enough patience to hang in for the long term - I'm investing in a new pump :P Ameda twin engine, so hopefully I can pump more in LESS time ... the hourly pumps are just killing my back ...

The Birth Story of Vanessa

The long overdue birth story ;P

Monday 2nd April 2007

1. Went to see Dr Fong on Monday and he’s “not happy” with my BP and symptoms – asked me give birth asap – so convinced him I want C-section with L.A.
2. Consulted my mother on the “good days” and she says the best is the next day (Tuesday)

Tuesday 3rd April 2007

1. Went to get admitted at 3.30pm at TMC
2. After a series of "negotiations”, we managed to get the newly renovated rooms on the 6th floor maternity ward *YES!*
3. Got escorted to the room where they started prepping me for the C-section
4. Got wheeled to the operating theatre and “parked” outside the room
5. Waited for the doctors to turn up
6. Got wheeled inside the OT and got transferred to the operating table
7. The doctor to administer the epdiural is missing! But Dr Fong said he saw his car in the carpark, so he has to be somewhere.
8. Dr Chong, the missing doctor, turns up – he was held up in another case at the labour ward.
9. Got a jab before they inserted the drip needle
10. Got another jab before they did the epidural
11. Then they inserted the catheter
12. Starting to wooze – I don’t really remember much except that I snored occasionally
13. Heard a comment from Dr Fong, “WAH her stomach muscles are so strong, she do a lot of sit-ups is it?”
14. After operation commentary by my hubby – apparently the nurse and Dr Fong had problems tugging open my stomach. Dr Chong was trying to help to push the baby out as well, and he had to exert so much force until his arms were trembling
15. I heard the baby cry and then I think I snored again.
16. Baby was plonked unto my chest and she was crying non stop – I feebly patted her and tried to sayang her while trying not to drift back into slumberland.
17. After operation commentary by my hubby – baby stopped crying immediately once passed the doors of the OT
18. Everything else is blurred – I don’t remember much except the nurses doing the dressing on me and then waking up on my hospital bed

To BF or not to BF, that is the question ...

(If you are wondering, BF = BreastFeeding, not boyfriend or breakfast)

I've successfully bf-ed for my baby's 1st week, and halfway through the 2nd week, the baby's completely on the bottle while I expressed out the BM (BreastMilk).

Why? To keep my sanity I guess:
1) She'll nurse for 1 hour, then I'll pump for 30 minutes and 30 minutes later, she's hungry again.
2) The guilt that I don't seem to have enough (that's why she nurse for 1 hour) BM
3) The need for my personal time (even while pumping BM is good enough)

The arrangement so far is quite good - I'm less tired, I have time to enjoy my baby, without trying to fiddle with the breasts and nursing bra. Now, I can even plan to nurse her at 9pm feed (she's almost like clockwork - her feed is about every 3 hours) - as in let her have 70% of her usual amount and then I'll supply the rest.

I've 6 weeks more for this arrangement before I return back to work, and I have no idea what will happen then.

As long as baby's happy, I'm happy, she's healthy - I'm good. I don't have to be so anal-retentive about being the best or good or whatever mum, as long as I do the best I can, and I guess that is what matters.

One baby step at a time, even for a mother ...

Mother of all comical mistakes

Paid $21 to the GP to confirm that the flap of skin stuck together is ACTUALLY THE WOUND!

Thank goodness we never really try to seperate the skin ourselves, and thank goodness I insisted on seeing the GP.

I can't believe this ... how sotong can we get????

A need to pay a visit to the GP

*sigh* just when I thought everything's clear, I need to pay a visit to the GP.

Why? You know the dressing they use? They come with this incredible sticky glue, and because it is REALLY sticky, it's very difficult to clean off. Anyway they tried to clean off some of it at the hospital and I tried to clean off some at home - so far so good I thought.

Then, *drumroll* I had difficulty walking last night, and upon closer examination, to my horror, I had this flap of skin CLOSELY GLUED TOGETHER. So the pain comes from my skin trying to stretch but yet being bounded to each other. The hubby tried using nail polish remover to "dissolve" the glue, but unsuccessfully. So I managed to persuade him 1) I'm in PAIN/ DISCOMFORT 2) to bring me to see a doctor. Anyway, I probably have rashes already (the line feels quite lumpy) and I certainly don't want it to turn nasty.

Just hope the GP can help without causing too much pain to me :(

Breastfeeding 101

Finding a good pre-natal therapist who does body and breast massage is important. Trust me, the breast massage is VERY important, else you will suffer the same fate as me.

Since I missed out on the breast massage before giving birth, I had the good fortune to meet this lady therapist, Rose JUST 4 days before giving birth. I wanted to book for my post-natal treatment but she suggested I go down and try her pre-natal massage (apparently they do it right up to before birth! WHY I SUFFER ALL THE ACHES FOR NOTHING! If only I had known earlier *sob*). So I did, and she commented that I am bound to suffer from breast engorgement. She also said I could look for her for help if I cannot massage out the lumps (blockages) myself (she taught me the massage technique).

True enough, I had the nasty experience in TMC, so I came home, SMSed Rose, and managed to get her to come to my place for the massage. I had in all 3 sessions.

1st session was PAIN PAIN PAIN, but the lumps were partially gone by the next day, only left one big one on each side.

2nd session was PAIN PAIN PAIN, but the most of lumps were GONE by the next day, and she cleared some of the milk ducts for me.

By the 3rd session, my breasts are still sore, but my milk production shot up too. By how much? In total, since the last feed at 11pm last night, this morning, my milk production is 170ml on top of breastfeeding. Happy? You bet, and I was fretting that I wouldn't have enough milk for her! I'll pump more later after the feeds, so that I can top up the 170ml - just need another 70ml to make it for 3 feeds.

FYI also, I'm only breastfeeding from my right breast, since the left nipple is too sore to feed. Yes, I still have some left to express from the right breast after feeding. Funny thing though, the baby seems to know that I'm not feeding with the left breast so she keeps eyeing it. So I've been tricking her by first using the football hold, then the cradle (?) hold to feed and she seems quite satisfied so far, thankfully!

For a first time mother, who needed help with the feeding from the Hubby, the nurses and 6 pillows initially, I think I'm doing quite a decent job so far - although I still request help from the Hubby to burp her while changing positions or breasts sometimes. And thankfully, there is Rose to persuade the breasts to do their jobs too!

A peek at the sleepy beauty (in pink!)

A little preview to my princess ... :)

Who does the baby look like: Mummy Versus Daddy

1. Eyes: It's very obvious - she's got her daddy's eyes! Especially the hidden double eyelids!

2. Hair: It's also very obvious - she's got my hair! Dark, thick and slightly wavy.

3. Nose: Some says looks like mine, some says like her daddy's. I do agree her nostrils are like mine, but not sure about the shape though.

4. Lips: Most agreed she got my lips!

5. Ears: Probably one of the uncles/ aunts/ grandparents - we don't have her kind of earlobes!

6. Fingers/ Toes: Her daddy's - longish.

7. Legs: Her calves are like mine, not sure about the thighs though.

8. Skin tone: In between me and my hubby I believe - not as tanned as me, not as fair as her daddy.

Overall? 80% looks like me ;)

baby's umbrical cord...

It's has officially dropped off this morning!

The confinement lady says to sun it for a week, then put into an ang pow later with some talcum powder for safekeeping.

Not sure what to do with it later!

This too, shall pass ...

For the first time, since Baby Vanessa was born, I shed my first tears as a mother.

Not because I was love struck (FYI I didn't cry when she was placed on my chest immediately after the C-section), but because I was in sheer agony. Again, not from the pain after the C-section (in fact, I was so sleepy and hungry - I was quite upset that I wasn't allowed to eat or drink until the next morning 9am! Milo had never tasted so delicious before!). Then what?

Compared to all the pre-birth agony (which seems like a distant memory now), compared to having to be under the knife for the birth, this seem like the worst ever thing that could happen to a mother.

It's the breast engorgement - the pain, totally UNBELIEVABLE. The right breast had started swelling on Thursday night, followed shortly by the left breast. I thought I could deal with it, just massage a bit and it wouldn't be so bad. Came Friday afternoon, I was in such agony - both seem to be ON FIRE (hot hot hot) and so painful to touch. By Friday evening, I had to ask the nursery staff for help - I couldn't deal with it anymore.

The nurse, Grace, helped to me to the hot towel massage - it was so painful I actually cried. Basically I cried and I cried and I CRIED. That's how bad it was. The only good news was, I only had another 24 hours to go before the pain subsided (usually last 48 hours). It also helped that Vanessa was in her good sucking day (we realise she sucks well only on alternate days) so while I had to deal with the sore nipples, I was more relieved that she was helping to reduce the engorgement. This combination is, hmm, how should I put it ... Grace helped to put Vanessa to the breast, while I grabbed on to the Hubby for pain/ stress relief, and tears still rolled down my face. Later that night, another nurse had to helped me again, to do a hot towel massage before feeding Vanessa. My breasts then slept with cold cabbage leaves (how glam can motherhood be?) that night. By Saturday morning, the pain is tolerable.

My breasts are still lumpy now, but much better - the pain is manageable, and the breasts aren't at that "going to explode any moment" size anymore. I'm going to get help by asking a therapist to help do a breast massage - hopefully she can make it tomorrow!

Sore nipples? Desensitized already. Now, the next hurdle, to make sure I have enough milk to still be on total breast feeding for 9 more days.

Updating Birth Info - it's a girl!

EDD - 19-Apr-07
Actual DD - 03-Apr-07
Born at Wk - 37weeks and 5 days
Lt/Wt at birth - 48cm/3.04kg
Delivery mtd - C-sect wif Epi
Obgyn - Dr Fong Yang
Hospital - TMC
Name: Vanessa

If you strike toto or 4D, please remember to share some $$ with me ;)

Suviving the Motherhood Game

11:55pm 5th April 2007

We just carried baby Vanessa back to the nursery – I'm getting quite reluctant to part with her, since she sleeps like an angel after feeding. Did I mention she gives a cheeky satisfied smile when she gets picked up if she whines a little after her feed? She's so … cute! But enough gushing from a love struck mother of a newborn baby – motherhood is serious business.

Why? You hear about people saying that they are not ready to be a parent, I said the same thing – being emotionally and mentally prepared and capable to deal with a child.

How wrong I am – nothing ever could have prepared me for motherhood! It's has a STEEP learning cycle, expecting me to survive the balls (HUGE BIG ONES) thrown my way with a reduced (MUCH) and erratic sleep pattern.

How on earth could you be prepared for breastfeeding? All the demos and all the how-to-do-it videos can never prepare you for the fretting, the worrying, the pain, the soreness and the satisfaction. Contradictory? You bet – when the baby "chomps" on the nipple, you worry if you have enough milk, you wince from the soreness, you sigh for the little sleep you had (before they wheel her in for the next feed), then you have a inner glow of satisfaction when she lustily roots for your nipple and suck contentedly for the next hour or so. Especially she gives that cheeky satisfied smirk.

Not to mention that the first few days, worrying if I have milk and now, I worry about breast engorgement. I've never seen them so HUGE – it's painful too to touch, so now I'm dependent on baby Vanessa to help relieve some of the engorgement. I've tried pumping with my breast pump, so far I've like 5 ml of milk after 30 minutes of pumping (both breasts!). I'm proud that I've survived "Total Breast Feeding" so far – for how much longer, I have no idea but I'm getting used to the soreness/ pain.

I must say though, 80% of the credit goes to the Hubby – without him, I couldn't have done it on my own. The pain from the wound makes it relatively easier for me to feed her lying down, so he has been helping me to position her, holding her head correctly, while I desperately try to maneuver the nipple into the mouth. Fortunately too, she's quite a good rooter, so she "grabs" on pretty fast. He then helps to burp her while I gingerly flip to the other side to prepare her for the next round of feeding. Do all this on my own? Impossible! So Kudos to the Hubby!

Did I mention he has the football hold, the crossover hold, the whatever hold down pat? All I can manage is just the crossover hold!

Baby Vanessa is finally here!

I survived the scary terse moments before they insert the drip needle into my left hand as well as the part where they did the epidural for me.

It wasn't awful, but while waiting outside the operating theater without the Hubby, somehow all the emotions pent up inside me suddenly just demanded to be released. So out of the blue, while the nurse was briefing me, my tears started overflowing and while I wasn't hysterical, it was enough to alarmed the nurses. Although I'm sure they have seen lots of cases like mine, they were very nice to try to calm me down. Dr Y arrived later to find me curled up on my side, and he patted me on the shoulder and said," Nervous hah? Never mind, it will be ok, don't worry."

The rest of the scene, after being wheeled into the OT, was kinda of a blur to me - I guess the medicine that was injected to make me drowsy was enough to conk out my memory, even though the medicine was injected some 30 minutes later!

Anyway there was some OT drama, as related by the Hubby, but I'll save it for a later posting - the 2 main aims of this posting are:

1) I survived! The pain, the needles, the gore and the er, icky stuff about having a operation.
2) Baby Vanessa (yes, I got my way!) is doing fine and she's a sweet little baby (well she's mine, of course she's sweet!).

Look out for more later, but I'm not sure how I'll cope with the recovering wound (pain *ouch*) and having the baby at home. So I may not update immediately or with a really long post - I'll just do what I can.

I'll get the pics from the Hubby later and post it up.

Thank you for all the nice messages, SMS and presents!